I was the lucky recipient of this email this morning:

SUBECT: YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!
MESSAGE:The flight number that hit the World Trade Center was Q33NY.
Try typing on MS word, Q33NY then change the font style to Wingdings, then change the font size to 26.
See what comes out!

I'll save you the time... Q33NY in 'wingdings' (font 26) is: Q33NY

Not to sound incredibly shallow during this time of American tragedy and crisis... But has anyone else gained like fiftyfuckingpounds from sitting on their asses, eating, and watching the news for the last seven days? Jesus. Someone get me a goddamned mumu. Every morning while my girlfriend is on her way to work, my Mom is in NY working 14 hours a day for the Red Cross, and a nation mourns... I'm in bed with an ice cream sandwich or a bunch of frozen cheese-cake treats waiting for a war to start.

Enough about me, how about DFiVE9?
FRIDAY - FRIDAY - FRIDAY! at the ROSELAND THEATER at 9pm! DFiVE9. BE THERE! (email me for more information, or check out the website).

-gooch

I was hit # 4800 on my own website. In the immortal words of hit #4600, "How masturbatory is that?"

-gooch

Someone asked me yesterday if I had written a column about the attack. I haven't. The biggest chore will be finding something that hasn't been said already. I'd love to write about something else, but I want to get a comprehensive collection of my thoughts on the event down on paper. I want to do this if, for nothing else, to take a snapshot of my thoughts during this time. This is an exercise that perhaps all of us should go through. Not just egomaniacs with a web site.

-gooch

Wanted:

Image consultant to work with mediocre writer who is so attention starved that he makes guest appearances on cable access shows. Potential candidates must own a green body suit in order to disappear into green-screen background. Aptitude test will include pulling a purse like bag out of my hands while I'm on screen. Send resumes to itsnotapursegoddammit@goochonline.com

My Mother works for the Red Cross and is currently working at the World Trade Center disaster area. I haven't been able to talk to her very much, but if you want to send words of encouragement to the Red Cross workers, click here. If you want to send dollars of encouragement, click on the logo above (the link goes to Yahoo's donation page).

-gooch

I watched the opening of the NYSE this morning. Like a lot of people, I was moved by the two minutes of silence, the singing of "God Bless America," and the ringing of the opening bell by members of New York's heroic police and fire department. My pride in America is matched only by my confusion by what happens on the trading floor. A bunch of people in different colored jackets throwing out numbers on their hands(?). Watch this some time and see if you can figure out how any of it works.