Christmas Night: After my indulgent foray into the world of 7-Eleven Big Bite hot dogs (with cheese sauce, a culinary delight I'm giving up for New Years) I decided to make a trip to the credit union to deposit some of my Christmas loot. Insert Card; Choose English or Espanol... Engligh was pressed and the entire system locked up with my card inside. A high pitched tone taunted me. Fortunately I had the cash I intended to deposit in my hand. I looked for the Ctrl-Alt-Del key combination to reboot the ATM to no avail. I'm without a check card and it sucks. I need to scrounge up some cash for tonight's debauchery; I'm down to five bucks.

Stop the Planet... I want to get off!
Attack of the Clones!
Real scientists call 'bullshit'!
Headlines write themselves!

Religious wack-jobs claim they've cloned a human

Raelian Religious sect is based on the teachings of Rael, a former race car driver who claims he met an alien and that human life was created by extra-terrestrials. The Raelians formed a company called Clonaid which claimed this morning in a press conference filled with potential bullshit that they gave birth to a baby girl cloned after her 31 year-old Mother.

CNN: Group claims first cloned human born

Brigitte Boisselier, scientific director of Clonaid

Raelians clone human, can't whiten teeth.

With the Multnomah County District Attorney's Office clearly the ones who gave the faulty advice to the officers that illegally searched Gina Hoesly's garbage; I proudly present this flashback from June 12, 2002 after her indictment:

I don't know Gina very well, but we have a lot of mutual friends. We can all take comfort in the fact that I know from first-hand experience (as a crime victim) that the Multnomah County District Attorney's office can't prosecute their way out of a paper fucking bag.

AT&T Wireless Services has attempted to overcharge me $339.16 this year.

On January 10th, 2003 I'll be acquiring a condominium in Gresham, OR. For those of you not from Oregon, let me explain Gresham to you.

Gresham is to Portland as Beverly Hills is to Los Angeles. Gresham is a monument to everything upscale, hedonistic, and excessive in the Pacific Northwest. The only Saks Fifth, Tiffany's, Macy's, and Harrod's in Oregon can be found in Gresham. I probably won't be able to get a prostitute for under $900 an hour. That's alright, though since that's money I won't have to spend on a security system (or door locks) since there's virtually no crime in Gresham. It'll be a drag occassionally when my drive to work is impeded by the horse drawn carriages that line the streets, but the ambience is worth it. I've got a personal shopper buying my appliances right now.

Have a great holiday. - GOOCH

Portland Mayor and Police Chief's garbage rummaged

Check out the typo-riddled KGW story HERE.

Apparently, two Willamette Week reporters searched the trash receptacles of District Attorney Mike Schrunk, Police Chief Mark Kroeker, and Mayor Vera Katz. After a police search of officer Gina Hoesly's trash turned up evidence that had to be thrown out (again, I guess), the District Attorney's office planned to appeal the ruling stating that citizens give up their right to privacy when they put their trash on the curb for pickup (see logs from 12/10 below). Willamette Week reporters Chris Lydgate and Nick Budnick wanted to ask the city officials "how they like it," I guess.

I bought one of those "Clappers" and plugged my TV into it. Unfortunately, now, whenever a Clapper television commercial comes on, my TV turns off.