Whoa... I've written two blogs in my life that I didn't quite remember writing when I saw them. The first got deleted. The one below, I'll keep. I guess you shouldn't drink and blog. The least you'll lose is your dignity and self respect. Clarification: the subject line "White Trash Girls..." was from spam that I received. I've got to give Drunk Gooch props for the .125 Irish/blood alcohol level joke. I wouldn't have thought of that sober, I don't think. Well, Happy St. Patrick's day.

ME... LOOKING LIKE I JUST PASSED A BLARNEY STONE

Best subject line in an email I received today: "White Trash Girls are Easiest to Fuck of All the American Women."

If that's the case, then Gresham's my fucking Mecca. Hey... it's the Gooch... and I'm drunk!. I'm 1/8th, or .125 Irish... and my blood alcohol content is also .125. Coincidence? Nope!. So off to Kell's I went tonight with some friends. I wanted to have sex with every person in the party tent. Then, I wanted to have sex with the girls there, too. What a party. I haven't partied like that since the 7th grade. I'm single as hell, but I like a girl and her coworkers were there, so I limited myself to merely being a complete, disgusting pig and not going so far as to getting maced. I must have worked a full six hours today. I guess I'm sleeping in tomorrow. I have yet to get an unemployment check from the State... maybe unemployment payments are only a myth perpetuated by the white man. Maybe I'm a myth perpetuated by the white man. I forgot to call in for my local Dominoes pizza tonight, like I do every Monday. What the hell am I going to do for breakfast tomorrow?

Yo... the bathroom in the "Rage Against the Latrine" blog is not the bathroom in my condo. I only wish that I had a functioning toilet in my house.

Today: sushi for lunch, a little tech support, then a massage at home. I'm so relaxed right now that if I jerked off, it'd probably put me into a coma. Massage tip: if you're filling out the pre-massage questionairre, don't use the words "full release" under the special requests section. It's not what they mean.Off to a house party tonight. Bounced last night at the Skyland for three hours until the owner determined that I'm a better drinking buddy than bouncer; out we went. After two plus four = six years of girlfriends, I've forgotten how to talk to girls. I'm oKay with that, I guess. Saw karaoke at a bar last night. If we'd known that China was going to give us karaoke, Japan might not have been our first choice for bombing. If you can't sing well, limit your vocal expressions to the car or shower, only. Is the band Head of Lies disbanding? I hope not. Did Perfect in Plastic disband? Looks like it. All perfectinplastic.com files have been deleted from the goochonline.net servers in Sweden, London, and Canada. Maybe I can find a light rig job with Great White. If you like folk rock inspired by Indigo Girls and Paul Simon, BUY THIS CD NOW. I need to go grocery shopping. I'm about to make soup out of ketchup and Taco Bell sauce packets. Ah... a new twist on an old recipe... ghetto tomato soup with a kick. The Dixie Chicks are talking shit about the President while touring in London? I've got two words for them: "Reba McIntyre." I've also got four more words for the Chicks: "get in my van."

THE DIXIE CHICKS, MOMENTS BEFORE GETTING INTO MY VAN

Vicodin:

The nightime,
aching, whining,
bummed out, pissed off
depressed,
Holy fucking shit, I pissed the bed!
medicine.

I can't cook at all. The microwave and crock pot are the only appliances that cook anything in my kitchen. I do however like salads. Salads don't require cooking and you can convince girls sometimes that a salad is actually a meal. I've created a new salad, called a Ty Cobb salad. It's like a regular cobb salad, but you replace the dressing with Jim Beam.

I'LL HAVE MY DRESSING ON THE SIDE, PLEASE

I caught myself wanting my old life back last night. That can't happen... I've already bought a tanning package. I posted an edited version of March 2nd's blog in the Columns section of this site, mostly for myself than anyone else. Also, thanks for the emails of support for me. I'm doing good, baby.

RAGE AGAINST THE LATRINE