fuck.

To anyone who has ever been pissed at me...revel in my pain now. do it now, because like Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'll only become more powerful. I have, in fact, been struck down like Darth Vader did to Ben Kenobi in Episode IV (4, you dumbshit). Therefore, I'll only become more powerful. I'm drunk, again. Hey... If you're the guy calling Portland radio station KNRK pretending that you're "the Gooch from cable access," blow me. Lick my balls because I'm the last person you want to imitate. Say you're Jim Spagg or Harry Lime, but not me, you cocksuckers. I'm not a role model. I'm a disease, like herpes. I'll always come back. I can't be hurt. I can be injured. Props to all mixed drinks that include Red Bull. Red Bull got me home tonight. Don't forget to bid on my stuff. I'm NOT calling in to KNRK 94.7

fuck.

BUY MY CRAP!

Click HERE to access my eBay page. I'm selling my old Cisco router and Nokia 3360 phone. Both of these items have had a profound impact on my life. Don't think of it as buying used electronics, think about it as buying pieces of history.

Six-year-old child watches war on NBC

Says "This is the worst video game ever... the Tom Brokaw graphics are so fake"

So, we're at war. Normally, as I did with 9/11, I'd be watching television until my pupils turn gray. Really on 9/11 I did nothing but watch TV, eat junk food, and mix myself drinks at home (something I hadn't done in two years). I even remember what I was drinking: Crystal Light and Vodka. It pissed me off that I had to leave the TV to go to work. Or bathe.

I was seeing a shrink during that time (for court related reasons, not because I'm nuts) and I asked him specifically for this website as to how much TV people should watch during all of this. Here's an excerpt from Eleven Days in September in the Columns section of this site:

I spoke with a psychologist today who said that the hours and hours that people are spending watching the repeated broadcasts of the terrorist attacks is detrimental not only to general mental well being, but cognitive ability as well. He suggests that people limit the television watching, or at this point eliminating it altogether and getting news strictly from print and radio. There is nothing positive to be gained from watching the attack over and over again. He also suggested that people of faith spend time in their places of worship, and for people in general to get away from the television and get together to discuss their feelings, vent, cry, etc.

The same advice, I'd imagine, holds true during a war. Kids? They don't need to get information from anywhere other than their parents. So, turn off the tube. I listened to the radio all last night and got pretty much all the information that I needed there.

PICTURE OF A FLAG THAT I TOOK ON 9/13/01

MSNBC: Orange-plus’ threat level in effect

Orange plus? Why not Red light or Red express or Orange ultra. I didn't know that there were going to be variables when they put together this color coded warning system. I guess we're too afraid to say the word "red."

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ESCALATE THIS TO BURNT ORANGE ALERT. OR BRICK RED.

Whoa... I've written two blogs in my life that I didn't quite remember writing when I saw them. The first got deleted. The one below, I'll keep. I guess you shouldn't drink and blog. The least you'll lose is your dignity and self respect. Clarification: the subject line "White Trash Girls..." was from spam that I received. I've got to give Drunk Gooch props for the .125 Irish/blood alcohol level joke. I wouldn't have thought of that sober, I don't think. Well, Happy St. Patrick's day.

ME... LOOKING LIKE I JUST PASSED A BLARNEY STONE

Best subject line in an email I received today: "White Trash Girls are Easiest to Fuck of All the American Women."

If that's the case, then Gresham's my fucking Mecca. Hey... it's the Gooch... and I'm drunk!. I'm 1/8th, or .125 Irish... and my blood alcohol content is also .125. Coincidence? Nope!. So off to Kell's I went tonight with some friends. I wanted to have sex with every person in the party tent. Then, I wanted to have sex with the girls there, too. What a party. I haven't partied like that since the 7th grade. I'm single as hell, but I like a girl and her coworkers were there, so I limited myself to merely being a complete, disgusting pig and not going so far as to getting maced. I must have worked a full six hours today. I guess I'm sleeping in tomorrow. I have yet to get an unemployment check from the State... maybe unemployment payments are only a myth perpetuated by the white man. Maybe I'm a myth perpetuated by the white man. I forgot to call in for my local Dominoes pizza tonight, like I do every Monday. What the hell am I going to do for breakfast tomorrow?

Yo... the bathroom in the "Rage Against the Latrine" blog is not the bathroom in my condo. I only wish that I had a functioning toilet in my house.