Last week was a record breaking one with regard to the number of hits to the site. Here's some other personal web pages hosted on the goochonline.net server:

http://www.superkenn.com

http://www.tyfloyd.com

When I'm not snorting Jello shots up my nose, I work security at a bar. It's like John Wayne Gacy being hired to work at a day care center.

I've all but cut cardio from my sessions at the gym, opting to lift heavier. I've lost four pounds since I gave up the treadmill. Cardio sucks. I'm stronger now than I was in high school. That would mean something if I was, say, 29 years-old trying to make varsity.

Gooch: A legend in the Jello snorting community.

WORD!!!!

It's 2am and I'm pretty fucked up right now. That did NOT keep me from posting some pictures showing how I got this way. Click on the PICS link above and check out my Jello shot antics. Also some gratuitous cleavage shots because I'm a fucking pervert. Actually, my friend taking the pictures is. However, I'm pretty fuckin' sick, too. Check it out, yo. Click PICS above.

FAT, DRUNK, AND STUPID IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE, SON.

Also... don't miss the new column if you haven't read it yet. Good times.

NEW COLUMN!

It had to happen sometime. Nearly five months after the last column. Hard to believe that I used to churn this shit out once a week for a college paper, eh. The new column: Good stuff but a lot of F-bombs, so keep it out of the reach of children. You can access the new column by clicking on the "Columns" button above, or by clicking HERE.

Quote of the week: Good Night Portland! - singer Jackson Browne during a show in Vancouver, Washington.

A possible ending to the Biography of John "Gooch" Gallucci: Click HERE

You wouldn't know it, but I have a lot of fans. Three of them and they're all cooling off my fat ass in the sauna that is the upstairs of my condo.

IRISH CAR BOMBS: The greatest drink ever invented; I'm going to start having them for breakfast. Fill half a pint glass with Guinness beer and fill a shot glass with half Irish cream and half Irish whiskey. Drop the shot glass into the Guinness and guzzle it all, making sure that the shot glass touches your nose. That's good drinking!

T-Shirt of the Week:

I swear I didn't know she was only three

From the blog of MSK, here's the best news item this month:

HUNTING FOR BAMBI

The website that you'll want to go to after checking out the above story is: http://www.hungtingforbambi.com

I want to make a new movie called "Video Pirates of the Carribean." My main character would just run around with a laptop yelling "KaZaaarghhh."

I'm also working on scripts for a series of porn movies I'd like to produce. Here's some of the working titles:

Black Cock Down.
Womb Raider.
Privates of the Carribean.

My ex girlfriend called me and told me that she just watched "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days." She did it in about ten minutes.

I was dancing at an after hours club last night and I saw some guy steal some of my moves. It was as pathetic as watching someone steal blood out of an AIDS treatment facility. It's a bad idea. I can't dance.

Guys shouldn't dance. There's no way to look cool doing it. Sometimes you can't get out of it. The best thing to do is to go out on the dance floor, watch the moves that some other guy is doing (like the guy mentioned above), repeat observed move while adding some variation, and make your face look as though you've been drinking since 10am that morning. This way, when someone is watching you wondering if you're dancing or having a seizure, they'll just think you're plastered.

I hung out with some long distance runners this weekend. They talk about doing "quick 20-mile runs" with the same passivity as I talk about crawling out of bed in the morning. They say shit like "I woke up at 4am this morning, which almost didn't give me time to run 50 miles before work" or "I just had both of my legs amputated, so I was only able to do a 10-mile sprint."

I lost my check card again. Somehow I've managed to hemorrhage cash despite my lack of access to it. I haven't slept in four days. The party ends today, I'm going to bed early.