Dating tips for men from Gooch: Don't talk during sex. Nothing you will say will enhance the moment. I don't care what happens or what you hear in porn movies. Just shut the fuck up.

Own a piece of history: My previously owned cell phone. Fully accessorized and ready for action. Baby.

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I was a half-second away from becoming a part of this story. The men with the "mullet" haircuts skidded right in front of me while I was travelling on Burnside. I hit the brakes so hard that I almost spilled my white Russian. The assailants stared at me and I stared at them; they peeled off and away as the cops were on their tail. I drove around to see where the chase went off to and I saw the truck on its side - the result of a collision, as the Oregonian story explains. The following is an article that ran in the Oregonian. What's sad is that Glisan is in northeast Portland. It's painful to read for anyone that lives in Portland.

CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY

Whoa... so much going on with me yet I'm not compelled to share. I'll think of something funny soon. Bought a new cell phone. Sweet. I'll get myself into some bizarre situation soon and I'll share it with you when it happens.

I have nothing to say. I was just sick of seeing those two mugs below. Someone asked me recently as to how I got my face superimposed onto the pictures with the porn stars. She thought that I had used Photoshop or something to get my face onto those pictures. It really was me, baby. Click "PICS" above and select "porn star era..." to see what I'm talking about.

Joyce Dewitt and Michael Jackson: Separated at birth?