Just got through a weird network outage. The cause? Who fucking knows. Wait, I do... it's me fucking around with the servers when I should be cleaning the goddamned office.

Yes, I know the server's down. Thanks for noticing.

Added the 'cam' back to the site. See the menu above. Should be pretty boring most of the time. You might catch me picking my nose or something, otherwise you'll be looking at my servers. I put a sweet battery backup in place on the server rack so if the power goes out and I freeze to death and die in a pool of frozen bodily fluids, you'll still be able to access this stupid site.

I'm going back to bed. - G

I spent a lot of time babysitting a three year old the past two days which exposed me to a lot of children's programming. The right time slot on Noggin can distract a child long enough to get a beer or two in before it's time for piggy-back rides again.

I end up watching a lot of these shows and am left asking this question: Why does every black kid on children's television have to break out into a rap song out of the blue? The white kids don't do it. Asian kids don't do it. Let's reinforce stereotypes to kids through television! While white kids on TV are wearing lab coats and big glasses, sporting spiky hair and solving science problems, black kids are beat-boxing and doing the goddamned running-man. Are they gonna start showing Mexican kids sleeping all day and Asian kids being, um... really smart? End racism!

Working as a bouncer tonight. My friday-night prime rib is slow roasting right now.

I used to want to kick the shit out of the kids in high school that tried to imitate Saturday Night Live skits on Mondays for attempts at cheap laughs. I wanted to knock the fuck out of so many kids, typically the mormons who weren't getting fucked up with me on Saturday Nights, who would say "Schwing!" (from Wayne's World) every five goddamned minutes. Sketch comedy lends itself to these antics and normally I'd stay away from mentioning anything sketch comedy related on this site (except saying that Tracy Morgan isn't funny), but Dave Chappelle's "I'm Rick James, Bitch" is funny enough to warrant mention. Not only that, but whenenever I get drunk, I start saying "I'm Gooch, bitch!" Funny? Nope. But it is to me after four Diet Rock-Stars and Vodkas. Check out the Comedy Central site for video clips.

I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH - FROM DAVE CHAPPELLE'S SHOW.

And I'm always worried that my Dad is going to embarrass me...

[Mel] Gibson's Father Blasts Jews

Eating prime rib is a lot like having sex. Even when they're bad, it's still pretty expensive.

P U B 1 8 1 - Portland, OR

GOOCH IN ACTION (SORT OF): BOUNCING.