ABCNEWS.com: Is It OK to "Hot Sauce" Kids?

Why don't we just mace the fuck out of the little bastards while we're at it? Maybe Blair should have "hot sauced" Natalie every time she opened a quart of Haggen Daz? Maybe I'm the biggest fucking asshole on the planet? Maybe I didn't fucking sleep last night? Maybe the latte I had three hours ago is making my gut feel like it was the guest of honor at a boot party?

Where are the Bush twins when I need them?

"Jenna... did you see that picture of Gooch with Jenna Jameson? I'm so Jealous!

I need to pop a xanax (like Noelle Bush, my other favorite) and fucking crash. I'm living la vida stupid.

You... you're kidding me.

It's 5am. At 4:15am, my ex girlfriend called me. "Is everything alright?" I asked. "Everything's fine," she replied, "I just wanted to know if you had my email password. I used it on the laptop next to your bed [four months ago]and thought it might still be on there. Were you sleeping?"

It's wasn't on there. And I was sleeping.

Of course, now I can't get back to sleep.

My other ex girlfriend, Cheryl, and I went to dinner last night. After I left dinner, I called another girl that I used to date. What the fuck is wrong with me? I think I date girls in the hopes that we'll break up and become the best of friends. Who does that? I might have a date lined up for later this week that I'm nervous about, so there's hope for me to end my run of making out with mediocre girls on the well-lit dance floor of a country bar.

Word.

Fuckin' A.

GOOCH:tired

Word. Need to throttle back a bit. A little too much on the party tip. I think I'm more attractive when I'm shit faced, though. I've been told (by a bartender who cut me off recently) that I'm much cooler when I'm "plowed," that I'm "too much of a gentleman" when I'm sober. I live in a society that encourages my alcoholism.

Sweet.

Debuted the coolest T-shirt last night: a Trans-Am shirt from Zumies. My Uncle had the raddest Trans-Am when I was a kid. It had a $2500 stereo system (a lot in 1982) with analog VU meters.

MY TRANS AM SHIRT, DEBUTED LAST NIGHT.

Going to see Napoleon Dynamite tonight. Should be awesome.

Al Gore gets speeding ticket in Oregon

Meanwhile, I got a speeding ticket last week, also on Highway 26. Fuck.

GOOCH:out

MSN Entertainment: Goodfellas cast reunites to promote new DVD.

I'm getting a little annoyed at buying a DVD only to have a "special edition" version released a year later. I'm going to have two copies of every cool movie out there... and sometimes the difference between the original and the "special deluxe directors platinum" edition is negligible. However, if you think I'm not going to run out and buy the new Goodfellas DVD, you're fucking crazy. I'll bitch about it, but I'll do it.

8:37am August 18, 2004: Gooch downloads his first country song on Bearshare, a peer-to-peer filesharing network. Also on this day: Cats start chasing dogs and an altar boy rapes a priest (The joke is that the "dog and cat" thing and the "priest" thing are as unlikely to happen as me downloading a country song, because I've historically despised country music).

Word. Stick it to Comcast. If you live in an apartment or some sort of multi-family dwelling, spend $20-$50 on wireless connectivity equipment and try to latch on to someone's open wireless access point. I brought my laptop to two random apartments Monday night and both times I was able to access the internet at 11mbps (the same speed as in my own home, on my own access point). Contact me and I'll do it for shots of Jack Daniels if you're not able to figure the setup yourself.

Put in a good work day today. Legitimate stuff. Slept for nine hours last night, so of course I can't sleep now. Fuck. I've slept in my own house for three night in a row (counting tonight). I think it's a record since I've lived in Troutdale.

My commercial shoot on Monday went really well. I had to dress like it was cold outside, despite the fact that it was close to 90 degrees on the overpass where I was standing. They had to mop the sweat off my face during the close-ups. Ultimately, I played a great depressed guy. I brought a bottle of Jack Daniels with me that morning. The director said "we don't need any props for this shoot." I said "what props."

Just kidding.

I wish this blog bored me as much as it bores you; I'd be asleep right now.

GOOCH:tired.

It's Kay Day!

The following post was written by a friend of mine, without my knowledge, who found my laptop on with the Blogger editing page logged in and open. My friend Kay wrote that. Well played, Kay... well played. It's the first time in the five years this website has existed that another person has written a (b)log entry. Last night was also the first time I let a girl ride in my car with her feet on the dashboard - also Kay (I've never met a girl who could just ride in a car with her feet on the floorboard). Kay's fortuitousness was added to when we replaced her $45/month cable service with a USB wireless ethernet adapter and successfully sucked internet service from someone else's wireless access point. This only usually works in apartment/condo complexes and if you're lucky enough to have someone close by with an open wireless access point. Buy a lottery ticket, Kay... you're on a roll!

Written by Kay in the style of Gooch: Hanging out with two of my girlfriends tonight. I was told that I speak much differently when I'm trying to get a piece of ass. Met a few new women lately but all are just "friends," what can I say? Women cant resist my metro-sexual style. Gooch OUT- got to get some dinner now!!