MSNBC - Jenna Jameson hawks cellphone moan tones

Soon from goochonline.com you'll be able to download our own offering of sexual ring tones. Jenna has moans and grunts... we've got surreptitiously recorded screams of "I'm not comfortable doing this" or "is that a camera mounted in your closet" or "get out of my trailer."

Meanwhile, I've been busting ass working on dead computers inside the crib, yo. It's 11am and I'm taking off for breakfast. Gooch:OUT

Howard Stern cheers as FCC Chairman Michael Powell announces he is resigning

This is good, maybe I'll flip from the satellite radio to "regular" radio occassionally again. I doubt it though. I love satellite radio; I'm currently listening to the dance section of the programming. I want to have sex while listening to the "Chill" station on Sirius. I've got to get the boom box for my bedroom to do that. I'll get it today at Radio Shack. I need new tapes for the camcorder, speaking of sex. Gotta get the sheets out of the dryer. Holy shit, am I thinking out loud?

Went home, did laundry, fell asleep last night. Not bad for a Thursday night. Too bad it was a Friday. I'm lame. Missed out on hanging with Gregster.

Congratulations to YMike and Jenna on the birth of their daughter Zoey.

Sobriety and clarity is not all that it's cracked up to be. I'm gonna start going to church, or working out, or something. Got a gym membership lined up soon, I think. Got a shrink lined up, too. I can't tell if these are my happiest or unhappiest days. I need a doctor to tell me. People liked me better when I was drunk, I fucking know it.

Is it okay that I'm more attracted to Ashlee Simpson than Jessica? Is it okay that I sit here thinking about that shit?

Get me a Jack and Diet Coke.

Everyone was iced in yesterday in East County. We chained up my girlfriend's car and I dropped her off at work so I could drive myself to the movies. I think I'm the first guy to go to the movies by himself since Lee Harvey Oswald. I saw Meet the Fockers which I could take or leave. Meet the Parents pretty much exhausted every gag the film makers had. I enjoyed it, and I would have thought it was a great film if I didn't know that 'Parents' existed.

I'm hardly drinking at all. No more than two drinks if any at all. I've lost a little under ten pounds since New Years putting me 20 pounds less than when I moved out here two years ago.

GOOCH:out

Self employment is sort of a drag. Without having a structure imposed on you by a third party (namely a boss of some sort) your loved ones assume that any work that you do is an assault on your time with them. "Yes, dear... theoretically I could finish that project between four and five tomorrow morning and that way we can have lunch together today..." Every guy I know who can identify himself as his own boss has had a significant other who felt that his going in to work was not simply to get things done, but a way to avoid spending time with her. On the other hand, Every guy (including myself) that I know who sets his own schedule has used work to avoid doing things as well, giving validity to the women's fears. My advice: don't date self employed men. We're self made not because of hard work and determiniation; but because we don't like other people giving us shit. That includes you. Ease up.

Relationship Advice for Men: Watching porn with your girlfriend can be cool. As long as you're both comfortable watching it, porn can be a way to excite things in the bedroom (or kitchen, van, wherever). The one tip I can give men who decide to watch porn with their girlfriend(s) is to act like you've never seen the porn before. Don't identify the actresses by name. Don't say things like "this is my favorite part" or "see why they call him the decorator. If it's a new experience for her, make her think it's one for you too.

OH, SO THAT'S THE JENNA JAMESON I KEEP HEARING ABOUT. SHE'S ALRIGHT, I GUESS.

I was doing a Google search for "sodomy" and "rottweiler" and found this news story:

N.J. Man Accused Of Sodomizing Neighbor's Female Rottweiler

I forgot to take a hiatus this year, which I'll start now. I'll jot notes and post something next Thursday, December 13 - sooner if something develops worth writing. Otherwise, I'm going to work on this "non-drinking" thing a doctor told me to do "If I could," as he put it. Fucking great... my reputation precedes me everywhere I go. Apparently, the girl passed out in the car had her feelings hurt that I posted that picture. My apologies to her. And I seldom apologize on this site. I mean its not like I drew on her and took pictures, I just posted a picture and an anecdote in real time.

Happy New Year. I guess.

GOOCH: painfully sober.