My last afternoon in Reno I decided to have a good dinner and eat whatever I wanted for a meal. I went to the fitness center in my hotel and no one was there. I guess that's because only a fag would work out in Reno at 6pm. There are two TVs in the gym and it happened to be that Scarface and Casino were showing on two separate channels. I was on the treadmill watching both movies at the same time. If you'd replaced my water bottle for a Red Bull-vodka and the treadmill for a blow job... I'd have been the happiest man alive.

Stripper economics: How come in Reno I can give a stripper a dollar bill and in exchange she rubs her $3000 tits all over my unshaven face. Who the fuck is the guy who hangs out in the bathroom at the strip club and hands me a paper towel for the same dollar bill? I feel like saying "hey, do you know what I can get for that dollar no less than 20 feet away?"

I didn't actually go to a strip club this trip, but I this thought occurred to me for some reason.

Danny Bonaduce? I like him so much more now that he's slitting his wrists and shooting up on national television. KGB (do I know you?) left the comment about Breaking Bonaduce. I think it's the best show on television... especially for reality. I don't think it's bullshit either: he's genuinely fucking nuts. It's also edited and shot really well. I hope that the entire series comes out on DVD. Did I already talk about this show? Oh, man. I need a vacation from my vacation.

I'm really happy right now. I can't tell if it's genuine happiness or merely a drawn out manic episode from my bipolar disorder. Fuck it... I'll take happiness where I can get it.

Went to Shooters last night. Some guy was trying to smoke me out in the parking lot. He had some shit that I've only heard about in Dr. Dre songs. I passed, but some girl didn't, went with him and came back looking and acting like a fucking psycho. Good stuff. I figured I'd have a few drinks at Shooters and then call it a night. I met a guy and some girls that work in bars around the area and we took off for a club about four blocks away. It was pretty sweet, considering I thought my night was going to consist of three beers, two shots of Jack Daniels, and mediocre drunken conversation.

The club was packed. We got right in. Wish I had pictures... every chick was gorgeous. The ones that weren't? I drank until they were. That's how I roll. I got chirped on my Nextel by a friend at 2am and started to get homesick. The cure for homesickness? Another beer.

First full day in Reno. The Eldorado Italian Festival is currently happening on the streets below my hotel window. I've been there all morning watching every single Italian stereotype played out over four city blocks. An organ-grinder monkey? It's down there. I've got to get me one of those. If I can train a monkey to mix a decent bloody mary, I can stop asking for a midget this Christmas.

I'm staying at the Circus Circus in Reno. They have a shitty buffet, but a decent wedding chapel. If 24-hour wedding chapels are so popular in Nevada, maybe I should offer a 24-hour annulment service. I'm ordained to perform weddings... what website do I need to go to be ordained to unperform them? Fuck... there's a niche market waiting to be tapped.

I'm up about $60 at blackjack so far. The chips I hold in my hand tonight represent tomorrow's awful hangover. There's some pretty cool clubs popping up in Reno - not like it was 10 years ago. I think I'll end up at Shooters tonight. It's a cool little bar and Dave Attel even shot his "Insomniac" show there a few years ago. Also a plus is that the bartenders are hot and usually more drunk than me at any given moment.

I went out on a date Wednesday night. I found a girl completely opposite of every girl I've dated in recent memory and asked her out. I was actually hoping she'd cancel on me as I started to realize (as I'm vacuuming out my car) how much work dating is. She was cool and after dinner I brought her out to hang out with my friends. A group of us were sitting at a booth and my date was holding her own like a champ. Things were smooth until the topic of getting my friend's hot tub repaired came up. Marty, the hot tub owner, hinted that the reason for his non-functioning hot tub was that "one of Gooch's condoms" probably got stuck in the filter. Marty realized what he'd said in front of my date, his girlfriend's eyes got wide as she punched his leg under the table, and I wasn't able to look at my date for the next five minutes. I almost leaned over and said "he's only kidding, I didn't use a condom that night."

The date went well and I want to call her back, but I've heard varying advice on when to call: 48 hours, the following Saturday (today), and just when I get back from my trip (JNAU's suggestion). If I'm thinking this hard about when to call a girl after a date, then I probably shouldn't be dating. On the other hand, if she goes out with me after hanging out with my crew at Skyland, maybe she's a keeper.

Maybe I need to have a drink and not worry so much about shit at home. Shout out to: Stefanie, Marty, Carly, the cul-de-sac, G'Mo (call me, you fuck... I'll fly in early if I need to), Nikki, Robin, Eric, and Erik.

GOOCH: in Reno911

I'm in Reno. I'll try to do something obnoxious enough to warrant a decent blog. I need a nap... then drinks. yo.

gooch:out

CNN.com - Beer mat knows when it is?refill time - Sep 30, 2005

Also from the guestbook (I need to check it more often) in response to a blog discussing my pouring of appletinis:

Apple-tinis Gooch? That's not metro...it's just gay. Drink a beer and stop being such a mayonaise mouth!

Roman Polanski is a fucking degenerate child molester/rapist who fled to France to avoid facing charges in the US. Go see Oliver Twist and support this asshole.

In other news, I've lost more weight. I don't even think I meant to. I've eaten crappy foods, just not as much. Moderation: I might learn about it before I turn 50. I'll have to learn about it before I turn 50, because if I don't, I won't see 50. Did that sentence make sense? I mean, I just typed it and now that I'm done with it I don't know if it really captured what I was trying to say.

GOOCH:out