CNN.com - Short glasses hold stronger drinks, study says - Dec 23, 2005

I'm about to enter into a diabetic induced coma from all of the See's candy I've eaten in the office in which I'm working. It's been a day. It's funny being downtown. Between pollsters, panhandlers, soapbox ministers, Salvation Army people, etc... I've never been approached by so many people that I really have no interest in talking to. You are never alone in Downtown Portland and sure as fuck never without someone willing to talk to you.

I'm missing electrolytes or something right now. Don't feel good. Depressed... guilty... something. Ugh. Need to finish Christmas shopping. Can't believe how busy I am. I have money but no time to spend it. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. That last blog should have said "quit" not "quite" in regards to my strip club career. I don't know... strippers have an expiration date when it comes to actually dealing with them. And thus, the milk has in fact gone bad.

#1: I'm going on razor strike starting today. Fuck shaving.

#2: I think I quite the strip club DJ thing last night. Last week I screwed a stripper. What more do I want? "Gooch," you ask... "two strippers?" No. My life need not be so shallow.

#3: I'm doing work for a Catholic radio station. Seriously making me think about church.

#4: A non-stripper had her feelings hurt when she came to visit me at the strip club last night and found out a dated one of the dancers. I'm not a feeling hurter by nature. Bummed me out.

#5: My ex girlfriend called me for the first time in a week and of course I'm drunk and of course we fight. For Christmas I want her and I to do something fun together and not fight. Seriously. I also want my Ex Cheryl to talk to me again. I guess they're exes for a reason, but goddammit they somehow added balance to my universe.

#6: I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, and I'm sure something else... yet I'm constantly putting myself in public places where I'm the center of attention. Fuck the DSM-IV.

#7: I've never been so driven as I am now. I love working. I don't break for anything like I used to. Focused... even my lunches are 110%. Eye of the Tiger. Cock of the walk. Whatever.

#8: I'm going to stay single until 2006! I'm almost there! Fucking Yay!

#9: I need a nap and I just woke up.

#10: Jon Bon Jovi: No one under the age of 30 cares about you, so quit putting 20-something extras in your video crowd. I'm not buying it and I'm sure no one else is either.

Have a nice day... indeed.

goochout.

God dammit... woke up hungover but in a good mood. It just feels like one of those days and it's not a manic episode making me say that. Last night was good times at the club. Got to work with my childhood friend Ryan, which is always fun. When we were kids, people used to tease us saying "You two will never work in a strip club together." In 2005 we proved them all wrong.

Listened to Howard Stern's final terrestrial broadcast today. Can't wait for that stock to blow up. It's going to skyrocket... right?

DJing at a strip club is fun. Not just because there's so many easily accessible blow jobs in such a place; rather because I get to hang out with my childhood friend Ryan. Friends come in and visit me and they get to hear me rattle off "These girls work for tips and tips alone" a million different ways. They drink cheap and everyone calls it a night. I've been fondled by enough strippers that I'm pretty sure the experience of a casual visit to a strip club in general has been ruined for me.

Otherwise, I lack a lot of sleep, which I plan on catching up tonight. I'm taking my various pills and plan on slipping into something just this side of a fucking coma.

Perfect in Plastic is back? I just heard it myself. More to follow.

Word. GoochOUT!

I'm so tired. Just got over my hangover from Tuesday and I'm DJing tonight, which involves half a fifth of anything just to get me through it. I'm told I'm good at it, although I'm not sure where on the social-economic stratosphere that places me. Porn store janitors and strip club DJs. That's the playing field. I could fall asleep right now and I have to work until 2:15am tonight. I'll have a Red Bull, please.

goochout

My life as a strip club DJ. Last night started off awkward but ended as a rousing, awesome, Jack Daniels soaked success. Strippers got mad that I wasn't touching them. I played the music I wanted to. All my friends showed up. It was the most fun I've had at a strip club in a long time.

And they paid me.

These girls work for tips and tips alone. How many times and different ways can you say that during the course of an evening? Fucking plenty. Now I have to go buy my Grandmother a birthday gift with stripper money.