I had a girl over for a dinner that I prepared myself. I barbecued a coho salmon with a brown sugar/garlic/butter sauce and it came out phenomenal. Add "party bread" with her choice of spinach dip or fondue (she chose fondue)and a salad (oh my god... you like blue cheese... I like blue cheese!) and it was a fantastic dinner that I'm sure my housekeeper is going to hate cleaning up.

You should see me squirm when I'm with a girl I actually like. It's awesome. I'm nervous and self conscious and when I go in for a kiss good night it looks like an eighth grader sneaking a kiss during a slow song at the year-end dance.

Going to do my post date ritual of going to the strip club.

goochout.

Click HERE to search "failure" in Google.

I suppose it's my duty as a strip club DJ to inform and celebrate the birthday of Dimebag Darrell Abbot who was killed in 2004 by a crazed fan with a gun during a December show.

If you've been sat up on stage for a birthday or bachelor party while I'm DJing the strip club, I've likely played Pantera's "Walk" for you.

In other news, I passed my motorcycle proficiency course through the State. This means it's legal for me to ride a motorcycle and carry a gun in Oregon. Maybe I should become a vigilante.

Or maybe I should just stick to writing little musings on a website and fixing computers.

Yeah, that's it. Born to be mild, indeed.

goochout.

www.goochonline.com/oregonianhoax.htm

A really, really sick prank I played a few years ago.

I'm really pissed because I totally believe that Snakes on a Plane is a rip off of a script I pitched called Snakes on a Train. Granted, their idea is a bit more compelling. Nonetheless... I demand royalties.

I'M NOT WORKING AT THE STRIP CLUB TONIGHT.

Going to motorcycle class tonight and during the day Saturday and Sunday.

NEWS: 'PENIS PUMP' JUDGE GETS 4 YEARS IN PRISON...


goochout

What The Fuck?

Tupac Shakur is killed in 1996 in front of thousands of people in Las Vegas and the crime still goes unsolved. In the same year, JonBenet Ramsey gets killed in the basement of her home in Boulder, Colorado with no witnesses and very little evidence and ten years later a suspect is caught in Bangkok, Thailand? How the fuck does that happen? CSI Vegas or Miami couldn't have done that shit on TV. If a poor black kid was killed in Boulder, the case would have been closed in a year. It probably wouldn't have even been opened in Portland.

Less than a mile from my condo: A man in a Hummer runs over two Mexicans parked on the shoulder of an on ramp. Did that man go to jail for negligent homicide? Fuck no. He went on to total his Corvette the next day. I don't think Mexicans in this town would go home the same day they ran over two white people.

I'm glad I'm white. I might quit going tanning just so I don't get pulled over this weekend.

goochout.

While driving home delirious after a long day's work, I figured out where the term "blowjob" originated from:

blow job: a job girls do for blow.

good night Gresham.

goochout