Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back problems, man.

I've been told that I remind people of Seth (Jonah Hill) in "Superbad." Someone told my girlfriend that she and I reminded her of Doug and Carrie from "King of Queens."



Because, you know, I'm funny like Kevin James. That's how my GF explained it to me. It's not because the show is about a fat dude with a hot wife. Which is what "According to Jim" is about. Which is what every sitcom on CBS is about. It's because I'm funny. That's it (girls snickering while martini glasses clink). If anyone knows of any other fat celebrities I remind them of, feel free to let me know. John Candy? Raymond Burr? Go ahead and push the bottle closer to my mouth.

Speaking of drinking to excess, I'm going to Reno this weekend for the Eldorado Italian Festival. Should be fun as always. I'll try to keep the blood alcohol level in the single digits.


Hayden Pannetierre is a hot chick. That's cool. She knows she's a hot chick, that's not cool. She's a chick that knows she's a hot chick and then acts like she doesn't think she is a hot chick. That's really uncool. I guess I'd need a hot chick that doesn't think she's a hot chick. I'd need a hot blind chick. Like Laura Dern in Mask.

Except, um... hot.

goochthefuckout

What's up, Lee?

This morning, like a mad scientist, I worked and worked until I modified a router to act like one of those hotel/coffee shop wireless access points. I didn't do anything requiring much intelligence, except for googling the shit out of the project. I still have to check my security p's and q's before I unleash it to customers. When you attempt to access my wireless connection, you get this page: GATEWAY SPLASH PAGE.

This is fun, click HERE for a funny video.

In the last post, I noted that my remote control's batteries were dead. Turns out that wasn't the case. A red neon sign recently installed in my office was interfering with the infrared signal on the remote. That could have taken me minutes or weeks to figure out. Glad it was minutes.

gotta go to work.

goochout.

I'm in hell.

I know what hell is, and I'm in it. I'll list my argument as to why I know this:

1: I'm paying bills.
2: The movie "Mannequin" is on TV.
3: The remote control batteries are dead and the cable box has no manual channel controls.

Movies from the 80s suck. According to 80s movies, dancing around in a trenchcoat and sunglasses is cool. The mere act of wearing sunglasses makes you suddenly hip and cool. Tom Cruise in Risky Business comes to mind. Too bad for him, sunglasses don't make you sane. Or straight.

And was there some film maker's code stating that every movie made in the 80s had to have a music video styled montage? This is only cool if it happens during a Rocky movie. That's it. That's the rules.

So I'm forced to watch or hear Mannequin starring Kim Cattrall. The movie was made in 1987, so that makes her about 45 when it was filmed.

Happy Birthday, YMike.

goochout

Man flashes jogger at Wood Village park


Awesome. This park is adjacent to my condo complex and is in fact where I frequently jog. And by frequently, I mean once a week. Lately, if that.

Wood Village is a small town. I'm likely a suspect. She was able to see the penis from about 20 feet away, so I'll quickly be ruled out. If I'd said "hey, wait, look" like the flasher in the article, she would have stopped, walked closer and squinted her eyes toward my groin before screaming "holy shit, that's a penis."

MIT student arrested at Logan in bomb scare

"She said it was a piece of art and she wanted to stand out on career day," Pare said. "She was holding what was later found to be playdough."

From the idiot's website: "In a sentence, I'm an inventor, artist, engineer, and student, I love to build things and I love crazy ideas"

Strike 1: Her name is "Star"
Strike 2: She states that she loves "crazy ideas"
Strike 3: She states that she's an artist.

We've got a level 5 hippie on our hands. The only thing more threatening to our way of life than, say, Al-Quaeda, is a dirty fucking hippie.

I don't understand... the police could have shot her. They had an open shot... they had justification. How hard would it be to get four police officers to get the story of "she appeared to reach for a detonation button" straight?

The police probably could have closed their eyes, aimed and shot her. You see, the hippie can organize rallies, protests, and exist without gainful employment for months at a time... but they seldom shower.

I've been working with/for Gregster this week at an office where I spent most of last year as a consultant. I'm currently covering for a network administrator who is on vacation attending, as the netadmin put it, his "brother's first marriage."

Kim Kardashian is posing for Playboy, scheduled to be the cover girl on the December issue. Who is she, really? She has a rich Dad that was on the OJ "dream team" of defense attorneys that helped enable OJ to be at large to commit more crimes. That's it. I think she was an interior designer. She then had a sex tape with Ray Jay (Brandy's brother) mysteriously get released to the public. So, she's an interior designer d-list starfucker with a rich dad.



With a great big ass.

Need to do an office lap now. Solving problems. Kicking ass.

I DJ tonight at the strip club, FYI.

Montego's: 158th and Division. Pornland, Oregon.

gooch:out

Fossett's searchers working credible leads

Steve Fossett has flown around the world in a balloon, flown around the world in a plane without refueling, and a whole bunch of other crazy shit. He was in a small plane looking for a place to break the land speed record when he disappeared. That's as if Dale Earnhardt had died driving to the grocery store or if Hugh Hefner, after a lifetime of fucking hot chicks, died of a fast moving strain of AIDS after (ahem) starfucking Rosie O'Donnell. I mean, someone like Fossett should die in a blaze of glory, not looking for a place to achieve it. Oregon has deployed some planes to help in the search. Previous efforts to find Fossett has found several other missing aircraft. These aircraft and their pilots, I'm sure, were not searched for as intensively as the millionaire Fossett's craft has been.

OJ arrested on theft charges

OJ has stated that "the truth will come out." This may give publishers another chance not to published an OJ penned book. "If I Did It...2" could be the first unpublished sequel to an unpublished book.

Classic Inchworm for sale at Hammacher Schlemmer
$70 for an item I had as a child? I had one of these and I know it didn't cost $70 even in 1970s currency. 1970s currency which of course had Gabe Kaplan on the dollar bill and Peter Frampton on the $5. Strange times indeed.