Just chilling on day five in Maui. We've been hanging out a lot in Kihei. It's a beautiful stretch filled with great restaurants and uncrowded beaches. It's also the only place to where we know how to drive.

I'm drinking Red Bull and planning the next step. We're going to try to find a Luau. It's expensive out here. I think that "mahalo" is really an ancient Polynesian word meaning "cash or credit."

If we stayed longer, we'd be here for mahaloween. We'd also go to the shooting range to shoot mahalo-point bullets. We'd go to church and say "Our Father, who art in Heaven, mahalo'd be thy name."

The Grand Wailea is awesome. I'll never ever stay here again. Even if I was rich, I could never justify spending $5.75 on a can of Red Bull (yes... without vodka). $4.25 for a cup of Diet Coke (without Jack Daniels), $6.00 for a snow cone, $12 for a mai-tai, $14.50 for a hot dog. You get the idea.

I lost my wallet on the plane, so I've been sponging off my Dad for spending money. It's a lot like high school. Okay, it's a lot like college.

It's a lot like last week.

goochout.

P.S. Any word on the Jared Dullum trial? Someone posted a comment asking about it.

I sort of remember this guy, but he's dead. He was a part of my high school years; he sounds like the Franklin High School version of Radio. Except, well, white. And not as annoying.

Obituary for Dave Gemma

Aloha, fuckers.

Relaxing in Hawaii. On my fifth sea breeze as I type this. Just received a comment on an old blog. Is there any life in this story? Any updates? What the fuck is up? Anyone?

Jared Dullum Indictment Blah Blah Blah...

I'm buzzed.

goochout.

Michael Vick's House for Sale (Realtor Listing)

No mention of a dog run, or fighting pit anywhere on the page.

Eh.

goochout

CNN: Nobel-winning biologist apologizes for remarks about blacks; Also looks identical to the "Preacher" in Poltergeist 2.

Nobel laureate biologist Jim Watson told the Sunday Times he was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours, whereas all the testing says not really."

During a lecture tour in 2000, he suggested there might be links between a person's weight and their level of ambition and between skin color and sexual prowess."That's why you have Latin lovers," he said, according to The Associated Press, which cited people who attended the lecture. "You've never heard of an English lover. Only an English patient."

In a British TV documentary that aired in 2003, Watson suggested stupidity was a genetic disease that should be treated.

I'll agree with him on the third one. On the second: I'm fat and white and all I want to do is this blog and jerk off and go back to bed. Now if he'd just leave Carol Anne the fuck alone.

What a hot piece of ass! Oh, and Portia de Rossi, too.

At first I was intrigued about the Ellen Degeneres pet adoption, um, scandal. I mean it was kind of cool that a celebrity was made to follow rules regarding, well, anything. After reviewing the case (heavy research, like TMZ and Google) I think I'd rather Orlando Bloom get a breathalyzer after a hit and run than Ellen be punished for genuinely caring about animals.

Official Statement from Petfinder/Mutts and Moms

Moot petition to "Free Iggy"

More Ellen Crap

Marina Batkis, owner of Mutts and Moms receives threats!

The last headline fascinates me. Who the fuck is so pissed off that they'll burn a person's business down? Who cares about Ellen so much? The answer: Housewives who sit at home all day watching daytime television. Housewives burn dinner, they do not burn buildings. Batkis should have a pesticide sprayer airplane filled with Bon Bons shower the area suburbs with the chocolatey goodness to keep threats at bay.

From an email received last night:

Saw your bumper sticker 'I [club] baby seals' on a 90's Honda last month.

Those bumper stickers (and other crap) are still available from the STORE.

I'm getting some more bumper stickers made. These will say different things that I think are funny. Oh, and they'll be affordableI like good bumper stickers. I guess it's because I like brevity and getting a joke in a 4" x 8" sticker is the ultimate in concise jokstering.



Leaving for Hawaii in a few days. Mahalo, indeed.

Aloha, bitches.

goochout.