Britney (trainwreck) and Jamie's (teen pregnancy) Mother's book on parenting delayed indefinitely.

Lynne Spears was writing a book on raising kids? Not since Kathy Hilton got her own show teaching hillbillies "How to be a Hilton" have I heard anything so absurd. What's funnier is that Lynne Spears' publisher, Thomas Publishing, publishes "inspirational books and bibles." If Thomas will publish a parenting book from a Spears, maybe they'll publish a book on "how to meet girls" written by Andrew Luster, or a style tips book by Duane "Dog" Chapman, or a health and nutrition book by me.

goochout.

I know I should be posting to this. I started jotting notes last night for a full length column, the first in a while. It'll be funny. I think. I realize that the old columns and pictures aren't available currently. I'll work to rectify that.

G.out

Tree, 2007.

[blog I forgot to post yesterday morning]:
Finished a job this morning and now I'm taking the rest of the day off for shopping and sushi. I've seen both "No Country for Old Men" and "I Am Legend."

No Country for Old Men should be titled "No Movie for Black People." I can't imagine any black person watching this (or I Am Legend, for that matter) without screaming "Don't go in there!" or "Oh no he didn't!" about 50 times.

Truth be told, white people in their 50s are the worst in theaters. As they watch the movie, they seem to discuss the films goings-on as a collaborative group effort. Hey, old people: just because you have trouble hearing doesn't mean we can't hear every speculation and comment you have to make during the course of the show. Go out for pie and discuss it afterwards. If you absolutely can't keep your mouth shut for a solid two hours, fucking learn to whisper.

You see how a made a broad generalization about black people and then recovered by turning my attention to a white subset of the population? Genius. God Damned genius.

goochout.

sweet.

goochout.

Funniest ascii-email closing I've seen yet:

......................... /´¯/)
......................,/¯ ..//
...................../... ./ /
............./´¯/'...'/´¯ ¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../... ..../¨¯\
........('(...´(..´...... ,~/'...')
.........\............... ..\/..../
..........''...\......... . _.·´
............\............ ..(
..............\.......... ...\

So Kevin Dubrow, of Quiet Riot, died of a cocaine overdose? Might as well call it "natural causes." I want to go to his funeral and say shit like "he died doing what he loved." Nobody dies "doing what they love." Unless they love gasping for breath and screaming "I don't want to die." Or overdosing on cocaine. Then you can say that.

Played soccer tonight. We tied. It was like a victory for our team - quietly chanting "we didn't lose" as we make our way to the bar for a training table of beer and pizza.

gotta work tomorrow. goochout.

I just ordered a bunch of "I [CLUB] Baby Seals" bumper stickers, so look for one in your stocking this holiday season.

You can buy your own online at: http://www.cafepress.com/goochonline

And no... I can't get your kid a Nintendo Wii.

gooch:out