As always... any materials you wish to send or any comments which you wish to bestow upon me... can be sent to:
gooch@goochonline.com

I've got some more bumper stickers in the works. Being checked by the printers as I write this. I've got a couple really boring jobs lined up this week. I swear to god I've created a career of watching computer progress bars go from left to right. That's what I have to look forward to tomorrow.

Thinking about getting a new tower for the office and relegating the laptop to living room/on site duties.

For Christmas, I got a pair of nice (read: nicer than I'd ever buy myself) running shoes and an iPod that receives signals from the shoes indicating distance, time, pace, etc. These are two things I truly wanted for Christmas, but giving me a pair of nice running shoes is like giving Stevie Wonder a Porsche. It'll be fun to watch at first, but won't last too long.

Someone should make a movie about a rich blind entertainer who makes millions of dollars, but his management team figures they can scam him by taking $100,000 for a Rolls Royce and really buying a$6000 used Cadillac with a Rolls Royce head piece duct taped to the hood. Instead of a Mansion, the team puts treadmills into the floor of the hallways of a small apartment to make it seem like the room's bigger. They take him to Applebees and tell him it's Morton's... all the while pocketing the extra cash. You could make a whole movie based on these highjinks.

Gotta go now... I have to read a thank you note I just got from Marlee Matlin. I sent her an iPod Shuffle for Christmas.



goochout.

I saw this video on a TV show and I had to find and post it:

Father Gets Revenge for Kidnapped Son

Went to a party last night where there was a stripper pole in the middle of the living room. Coolest thing ever. Girls fear it at first, but then are curiously drawn to it; like moths to a light. Add alcohol and, well, awesome.

Naturally, I'm hung over. Have to work today.

goochout

Britney (trainwreck) and Jamie's (teen pregnancy) Mother's book on parenting delayed indefinitely.

Lynne Spears was writing a book on raising kids? Not since Kathy Hilton got her own show teaching hillbillies "How to be a Hilton" have I heard anything so absurd. What's funnier is that Lynne Spears' publisher, Thomas Publishing, publishes "inspirational books and bibles." If Thomas will publish a parenting book from a Spears, maybe they'll publish a book on "how to meet girls" written by Andrew Luster, or a style tips book by Duane "Dog" Chapman, or a health and nutrition book by me.

goochout.

I know I should be posting to this. I started jotting notes last night for a full length column, the first in a while. It'll be funny. I think. I realize that the old columns and pictures aren't available currently. I'll work to rectify that.

G.out

Tree, 2007.

[blog I forgot to post yesterday morning]:
Finished a job this morning and now I'm taking the rest of the day off for shopping and sushi. I've seen both "No Country for Old Men" and "I Am Legend."

No Country for Old Men should be titled "No Movie for Black People." I can't imagine any black person watching this (or I Am Legend, for that matter) without screaming "Don't go in there!" or "Oh no he didn't!" about 50 times.

Truth be told, white people in their 50s are the worst in theaters. As they watch the movie, they seem to discuss the films goings-on as a collaborative group effort. Hey, old people: just because you have trouble hearing doesn't mean we can't hear every speculation and comment you have to make during the course of the show. Go out for pie and discuss it afterwards. If you absolutely can't keep your mouth shut for a solid two hours, fucking learn to whisper.

You see how a made a broad generalization about black people and then recovered by turning my attention to a white subset of the population? Genius. God Damned genius.

goochout.

sweet.

goochout.