Microsoft Fun Fact: If you install a fresh copy of Windows XP Professional and Office 2007, then run Microsoft Updates, the total amount of updates to download (in whole megabytes) is equal to:

666

(As of March 19, 2008)

goochout

Two hours measuring, drilling, measuring again, drilling again, and still waiting for a special adapter to mount my new LCD TV on the wall of my chamber of casual sex love, and someone releases this bad boy? The model room has all of the style of my Grandmother's nursing home suite. They should film an advertisement video with this bad boy in my bedroom. The shoot will look and go great, if the TV doesn't get tangled in my under-bed concealed neoprene restraints.

Check it out! - gooch

Day Without a Gooch

9:00am: It's Thursday. As my morning progressed, I realized that I have no desire to do anything that might make me a buck. I'm on call, but at home. I've had a great streak of tech support wins this week. Yesterday, I left a job and five minutes into my drive to the next job I exclaimed "how did I figure that out?" Egomaniacal rhetoric? Nope, I literally don't know how I pulled it off.

So now I'm at the home office/storage facility. I hooked up a used PC (far superior to any other machines I own) and am rocking it with a 19" widescreen monitor (run of the mill... but better than the 15" laptop I sported only yesterday).

9:45am: Find video of New York hooker Ashley Dupre:

10:16am: Phone support, problem solved.

10:51am: Paid delinquent gas bill. Oops.

10:52am: Scheduled lunch with YMike. Japanese food with a Japanese guy. I'll have to take him to Caro Amico's or something when we go out to lunch next.

By the way, I may be betraying my people by stating that Italian food is the most overpriced cuisine on the planet. What's in it that costs so much? Pasta? Tomato sauce? Bread? Parmesan? The same plate of spaghetti that costs $5 somewhere can go for $15 or more downtown. It's a scam. You'll never see a mexican restaurant try to pull that shit. I mean, there's only so many ways that tortillas, meat, cheese, sour cream, and lettuce (the ingredient list of every Mexican entree... ever) can be served.

11:00am: Paid bills, put together bank deposits. Thinking about getting dressed for lunch.

<11:19: Found nude photos of Audrina Patridge online. CLICK HERE for the NSFW fun-ness (WWTDD).

11:21: Decide that "Everything's gonna be alright," or its infinite variations, is the mose overused lyric ever. Marley, Keys, Naughty by Nature... Everything is NOT going to be alright. I can't express that sentiment strongly enough.

11:47: Bank deposit. I hate filling out deposit slips and can't believe that in the age of technology, I still have to do math by hand to complete an important banking transaction. It's 2008, I'm 33 years-old, and I still have to carry a '1'?

12:03: Lunch with YMike. Japanese food. We enjoy conversation about kids, televisions, and my youthful indiscretions of which he beared witness.

1:10: Watch last night's episode of South Park. It's just not the same as it used to be. It seems like they're pushing harder towards commentary than making me laugh my ass off.

1:15pm to 2:30am: Nap. Dreamt about bicycling. I wish my dreams were more exciting.

2:31pm: Ignore phone call.

2:45pm: Wrapping up this blog and going to the gym. My days at work are more exciting than my days off. Is this what my "spring break" has devolved to?

2:49: Scrap gym plans, crack open a beer. Fire up porn on the plasma. Turn phone off.

goochout.

Last night was the lamest St. Patrick's day ever. It was better than last year's, however, when I passed out in a virtual stranger's house, then woke up in the middle of the night and pissed all over her computer hutch. A bright spot wast that I got to hang out with the abominable Q-Ball (Ryan), whose desire for a good drink is matched only by his quest for a mirror in which to admire himself.

Gooch fun fact: Last night was the first time I remember the entire evening of hanging out with Ryan.

With last night being a Monday, with no real parties to speak of, it wasn't a holiday evening worth getting a DUII for. I saw several people getting pulled over during my travels last evening. Why drink and drive on a holiday where you know that the cops are out in force? A small band of rebel drunken drivers should get together and agree to celebrate holidays before or after the actual day. Throw the cops off. Hmm...

******
Movies I've watched in the last few days: Less Than Zero (classic Brat Pack with Rick Rubin directed soundtrack), Hit Man (liked it the first time I saw it, when it was called "The Bourne Something." And, when it didn't suck). Jumper (I guess they were going to get an actor for the lead role, but they settled for Hayden Christenson).

I've seen the trailers for Drillbit Taylor, and I'm pretty sure the mystery as to why Owen Wilson tried to off himself has been solved. Is there a funny line in the movie? With antiquated jokes like "Mexican Judo," and the almost tired fat kid slapstick routine, this flick looks like it will make its viewers race for the nearest oven in which to put their heads.

******
I guess I know this guy's (see stories below) sister and ex-wife. What a bizarre accident. The story I heard was that the driver, Edward Hills, was changing a flat tire when he was hit by a semi-truck. The driver of the semi didn't even slow down. The female victim (the couple was on their way to get married in Vegas) went out and tried to flag down another semi and she was hit and killed. Police found the driver that hit Hills at a truck stop. He was washing off blood and flesh from his truck.

Tire Change Preceded Vegas Hit and Run

Accident On I-15 & Silverado Ranch Leaves 2 Dead

My condolences to the victims' friends and family.


goochout

Ashley Youmans but now known as Ashley Alexandra Dupre...

You know her now (unless you're my fellow DJ, Wolfe) as the prostitute that fucked the Governor (and, ultimately, the State) of New York. If she's trying to get into a music career, picking a name as pretentious as that does not make for a good start. Over processing your voice doesn't help either. Unless you're Britney Spears or Sean Kingston. Somehow, they get away with it.

I'm getting pretty fucking annoyed with the sympathy for Eliot Spitzer by those who claim he "made a mistake." Spending $80,000 over six years on hookers is not a mistake. It's not like he woke up one morning wondering where his cash was and exclaimed "oh... that's right... I accidentally spent it on whores for the better part of a decade." It's not a mistake. People who do bad things choose to do them and regret them when they get caught. Or... they admit to doing bad things because they don't want to carry the burden of the guilt alone.

"I made a mistake" is simply a way for people who do bad things to plant the seed of doubt in their accusers' minds. It's as if we have this one part of our brain that we can't quite control and it gets blamed for everything that's done wrong. The only mistake Spitzer made was using a shitty alias and making large cash withdrawals. Oh, and getting out of state hookers to cross state lines to fuck him (Mann act)

Heh... if Spitzer gets indicted for transporting a woman across state lines for immoral acts, he could start suffering from Mann-act depression.

bud-dum-bump.

Good Night Gresham!

Of course...



The $4500 Vagina has a MySpace Account.

She has a second page.

CNN: Study shows that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD

Well that's fucking great. Next time I have four teen-age girls in bed with me, I'll play it cool but eventually take my ball gag out and yell "Okay... I know one of you has got something... who is it?"

This study takes all of the fun out of my Tuesday night slumber parties. Fuck science.