My friend is moving into someone's house and this bag is among the owner's things still left in the house. Timber Lanes is the original name of a bowling alley (now known as Hollywood Bowl) in Portland. I think this is the first place I ever bowled. I would kill for this bag. My friend asked "do you even bowl?" I admitted I didn't, but I would start if I knew I could rock this bag in the various bowling alleys around town. I wouldn't even bowl - I'd just hang out in the lounge with my bag and a wrist wrap and a can of PBR.

DJing last night knocked me out for today. I had to wake up and work a little today. Got not a lot else done. Still working on getting the podcast on iTunes. Once that occurs, I'll start producing more bits. It'll be fun. I actually did "audio blogs" and "video blogs" on the now defunct "goochradio.com." Then Steve Jobs fucked me again and created podcasts.

I think I'm staying in tonight. I finally feel healthy again; don't want to fuck it up.

gooch:in

The Terminator 4 trailer. Remember you saw it here last. T4 stars Christian Bale who is in "Dark Knight" (Debuting today) which also stars Maggie Gyllenhal... the Terminator... of boners.
- A face only a brother could love

Allegedly working at Montego's tonight. It'll be a good move after a fucked, fucked up week.

gooch:out

07.18.08 - The first podcast comes from a phone in bed at 5:15am. Talking about the witness behavior in Law and Order, bachelor decorating, and more! [first published recording. The clicks at the end are from trying to unlock the phone to end the recording (forgot it would lock after 5 minutes)]

Podcasts should be available for subscription on iTunes within the next 24-48 hours. Or so I'm told.

gooch:out

This is fucking priceless. Just when I thought that I was sick of the increasing ubiquity of cameras, stuff like this happens.

There should have been a camera rolling yesterday when I tried pumping a new bottle of Chloraseptic into my mouth. I looked at the nozzle as I was still squeezing the pump and a blast of the oral anesthetic hit me in the eye. Stupid? Yes. Funny? You betcha.

To the left to the left is Meghan McCain. She's rich and looks like a lot of girls I dated in the 90s. Her Father and I have a lot in common. For example, he was a POW in Vietnam and I watched Rambo II some 30 times when it was released on VHS. I'm still pissed that Jenna Bush, my substance abusing soul mate got hitched. All I need to do is impregnate one of these broads and I'll never have to work again. Fuck... I'll hire someone to write this site for me. My instructions: "Make it funny. Not too funny... I still want people thinking that I'm writing it."

Great... I haven't even published this blog and already Chelsea Clinton is texting me. My response: WNT U 2 QUT TXTNG ME ITS OVR.

All caps? Yeah... I went there.

Where are the Gore sisters when I need them?

Heh. I woke up my cat so that I could take a picture of her in the kitty condo. I'm recovering from a variety of debilitating symptoms. All painful, none sexy. The collective maladies have rendered it difficult to talk, type, eat, drink, or, you know, do it. These five things are what make the difference between "Gooch" and "The Gooch." I'm bed resting, taking vitamins, watching reruns, elevating my head, doing neck stretches, and crying myself to sleep. I will emerge stronger than before. I will come back with the stamina to disappoint two or three women at a time, instead of just one. I will learn to type one-handed. I will... fuck it. it hurts too much to type.

goochout

I was totally going to congratulate you about refraining from writing about masturbation for one whole blog, and then here you go again.... - Sarah (Tigard, OR)

Apologies to my readers who feel that "the tug" has taken up too much of my subject matter. I assure you that I spend more time writing about it than actually doing it.

I think.

In other news, I experimented on a barbecue recipe I learned from Q-Ball last night and it was a success. Basically, you barbecue live oysters, shuck them, top with a barbecue/hoisin sauce, top with cheese and green onions, and serve. It seems kind of fucked up in that I had to work to keep the oysters alive long enough so that I could kill them with my barbecue. Is there anything more sadistic? Why don't I go ahead and name them while I'm at it? I'm like the Hitler of the bi-valve world.

I'm going to get a machine like the one on the left [see picture] and retrofit it for oysters. Maybe I'll get a bigger claw and open the first live veal restaurant. I wouldn't need much room. The first veal restaurant and the first restaurant opened in a studio apartment. All sorts of groundbreaking culinary innovations coming out of Camp Gooch.

Currently listening to: "Rio" by Duran Duran Currently procrastinating: "working out"

Gooch Interesting Fact: Gooch face-blocked Rocky Dennis at blind camp during the seventies. They changed the story for "dramatic and accuracy" reasons. You heard it here first.

I've gotta go.

gooch:out

P.S.: When I die, could someone make sure that my head stone reads "gooch:out" ? I think it'd be totally sweet.

Face-blocked?

When he was simply John Gallucci (1983).

Got a goal last night during a soccer match. It was cool.

I watched a bit of "Knocked Up" this morning. I was going to jerk off to Katherine Hiegl, but it occurred to me that someone else at that very moment was probably jerking off to her. It weirded me out. I guess I wanted her just for myself. Chronic masturbators who worry about that sort of thing should, you know, have a massive internet-posted schedule of chicks to jerk off to. Like a mental library where you can "check out" a girl and the other guys have to promise not to think about that girl for that allotted time.

"Bill... you look horrible. Did you sleep last night?"

"No, man. I could only get Katherine Hiegl during the 4:30-5am time slot."

"Ouch... that sucks. That reminds me, I've got a noon to 12:30 with Pamela Anderson."

"Nice! I'm gonna try to get Katie Couric for 8-8:30pm tonight."

"What the fuck?"

I'm not a role model. I'm not boyfriend material.

Visited Q-Ball at his new place of employment: Cocktails and Dreams at 3620 SE 35th Pl. Portland, OR 97202 / (503) 238-7787. It used to be a bowling alley I frequented as a kid and it's behind the Original Taco House on Powell. They have video poker, a pool table, and an air hockey table. They also have a decent couch dance area.

cheesiness:acknowledged.

gooch:out.