Morning Wood...

Teagan Pressley: Porn Star

Staff writers from several dictionary publishers are camping outside the Mittleman Jewish Community Center soccer field to start writing new definitions for the words "pain," "suffering," and "fat." Wednesday night is the return to our preempted last season due to weather and structural damage to the field's inflatable dome structure.

Have an early to late day of work. It's one of those days that will last 11 hours but I'll be fed beer and food during the course of it, I'm sure.

Off to fight the war on malware, spyware, and brokeware. The latter is what I'll be if I don't get to work.

Peace, bitches.

goochout.

If you're not part of the solution...

...you're probably just an asshole.

That's how I feel, in the ambiguous world of Gooch where I complain about the very acts of atrocity in which I partake.

One atrocity not committed by me: shitty grammar.

Otherwise, lock and load and rock and roll. I am American: A white, fat, self absorbed and unemployed nightmare with no grasp of reality or responsibility. I'm a rat in a maze trying to find the path of least resistance to the cheese of immediate gratification. I think I provide balance in a still family-oriented environment. I'm like Heath Ledger's Joker... I commit acts of badness for the sake of committing them. For those who subscribe to the "conflict" model of sociology: you're very welcome.

I watched The Wrestler yesterday. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg should go through every movie in which Marissa Tomei had a role and use CGI to make her naked in those films. They should quit fucking with their movies and embrace the fact that MT has decided to get naked in movies (she plays a stripper in The Wrestler) and go back and make her movies that much better. No CG love scenes with Joe Pesci, please.

In all seriousness, The Wrestler is a great movie. It's so simple yet not too predictable. Great character driven plot without being pretensious. Mickey Rourke is great, but he's the poster boy for plastic surgery gone bad.

I'm on a girl's computer right now. I have to spend the next ten minutes deleting every downloaded picture, google search for "marissa tomei stripper" and any other traces of my being on this computer. Gotta go.

gooch:out!

Morning Wood...

Jodie Marsh.

I have no idea who she is. I just have the utmost respect for any woman who goes through the surgery to look like this.

...and I think to myself... what a wonderful world...

I'm going to take some Advil PM. That's code for "Coma Time!!!"

goochout.

cold.

My 75 degree alarm clock...

For some inexplicable reason, my thermostat rocks up to 75 degrees in the morning. Every morning I dream that I'm in hell. Then I realize that I'm in a warm Wood Village. Not much of a relief. It's like I wake up screaming "FUCK!!!!!!!" Then I look around, realize that I'm home, then I look down and mumble "shit."

Been a bit under the weather. My only display of discipline occurs when I'm sick. I will forgo any fun activities in an effort to rest and get well. I hate being sick and whenever I push the envelope, my body will revolt and make me get sicker. Looking unhealthy is nothing compared to being unhealthy.

I'm listening to my new Sirius Stiletto ST2. Howard Stern Show, particularly. I've never been one for the portable radio. Never wanted to be one of the Walkman Zombies walking around. I get disoriented, I think. I always found that to be antisocial. I should be more antisocial.

This isn't for you, it's for me. I don't have audio on my work computer and wanted to hear this later. Check it out, it might be the one thing to save this awful post:



I've got to get to work. Peace, fuckers.

goochout

Something that might get me laid...

AOL: 9 Reasons to date a nerd.

Lunch Time...

Another "Fuck with Gooch" picture. January 1, 2009.

Good Fucking Morning!

I just caught wind of a new Stallone movie called "The Expendables." It's slated to star Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, and others. I'm not saying that I smell Oscar. I mean, I smell something. However, can you think of a better movie into which you would sneak in a flask with some friends? I cannot.

I went to the gym this morning, despite not having any time to do so. I went on IMDB and found out that I've been cast in "The Expandables." It's a semi-action flick. I haven't been on a scale, but I'm guessing that my weight is reaching my high score on Pole Position.

Wow, I'm fat and old.

Kill:me

gooch:out