Temporarily Out of Service

I slacked on buying a new router for my home office and haven't been spending time at any office where I cared to sit down and write, you know, stuff.

The only venue of writing that has suffered has been this blog. Tweets and Facebook has not been affected.

Work as usual will resume tonight.

Gooch:Out

Animal-cruelty charges dropped against Burlington County cop

During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed
animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking
his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming
a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled"
by the situation or even irritated that they'd been duped out of a meal.

Full Story: HERE

Sometimes you need commentary, and sometimes the story stands alone. This is an example of the latter.

Cloudy With a Chance of Gooch

Ingrates:

I need a darker template. I feel like I'm writing copy for a detox brochure.

I hate it when software keeps on insisting that you "Register for added benefits!" Has anyone truly reaped the benefits registering their webcam? Besides spam?

I'm tired. I'm going to watch CNN. Or Fox. I wonder what Megyn Kelly is wearing. Fuck, that 'y' in "Megyn" is hot. I love alternate spellings. It's like "yeah... society tells me to spell it 'Megan' but I say to hell with them. I do what I want!"

I woke up laying sideways across the foot of the bed. I haven't slept well in a while. It's affecting something, I'm sure.

Eh... more later. I'm not into it at the moment.

Peace.

Facebook/Twitter Update that Didn't Make it:

I'm starting to associate being interested in someone with impending disaster.
My life is becoming a Cure song.

So the new site template... am I writing about my misadventures and hijinks, or am I trying to sign you up for an HMO plan?

I just downloaded a bunch of old video game sound effects. It's hilarious to hear that stuff again. Epyx Games had the best titles out there: Summer/Winter/California Games, Impossible Mission. All classics.

Got a trainer, he's kicking my ass with the lifting (which is a good thing) but if I was my own trainer, I would put me on a treadmill and leave the gym. I need aerobics dammit.

Gotta put my game face on. Big job today and big game tonight.

And I'm out.

And I'm Gooch.

Pub crawl this Saturday.

Facebook/Twitter Post That Didn't Make It:

"If someone's not sure whether or not they want to molest kids, would they be considered just pedo-curious?"

Scourges:

I woke up this morning at 4am to a minor wind storm. I got up to shut the windows and tried to go back to sleep. Then, around 4:45, I get morning wood. Some people get up early to see the sunrise and I get to witness first hand the natural wonder of my AM boner. I'm too tired to jerk off but when I roll over to lay on my stomach, I look like a bike with a kick stand. I come to terms with the erection situation and as I start to get to sleep the "low battery" alert starts on the smoke detector. One beep a minute; like electronic chinese water torture. So then I've got to wrestle that thing apart. I was having troubles popping the back of the detector off. I swear to God I looked at my Mag Lite next to the bed and seriously considered beating the smoke detector into submission. Cooler head prevailed.

I went to the circus yesterday. It was fun... a little more MTV than I remember the circus being. Sign of the times. The magic was impressive. Like... people and elephants kept disappearing and me, being the most cynical person alive, was left wondering "how the fuck did they do that?" Nice change of pace for me.

Back to bed. I'm so freaking tired.

Peace

Cracka... Please!

You see... I said "cracka" and not "cracker." As you may or may not know, "cracker" brings up a part of history that my people would like to forget. "Cracka" is okay if we call each other that. I use that word often in my rap music. Don't say "cracker." It's as offensive as saying "midget" to a little person.

Going to grab a drink. Low key is the name of the game as I look forward to a productive weekend. Well, I don't look forward to it... I just want to get shit done that needs to get done and it all piled the fuck up over the last two days.

I guess Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson are still together. I think it's great when a couple from the entertainment industry can maintain a relationship. They have twins together, in fact. Judging from watching her films, I'd say the kids weren't born so much as they drove a semi truck out of that high-mileage vag.

I was thinking about being Tito Ortiz and dating Jenna Jameson. I mean, if you're dating Jenna Jameson and you hang out with a group of her friends, would you even fucking dare ask one of her guy friends how they know her?

"Oh... Jenna and I worked together on "Please Cum Inside Me 15" and I accidentally didn't cum inside her. I actually decorated her face with my man goo. Long story short: she got pink eye. So how are the babies?"

That joke would have been funnier to me if she'd starred in something like "Analgeddon 15" or something like that. I forget that Jenna was a classy porn star. Whatever.




Shalom, fuckers.

gooch:out

Happy Birthday, James Gandolfini.

America... Fuck Yeah!

Degenerates:



Yesterday turned out alright, as in it did not follow its trend of shit happening to me. Today is a new day: The cat's batshit crazy, the computer has come back from the dead like Jesus and/or Bobby Ewing. I had my mind on my money and my money on a drying rack yesterday. I spent it before it could get dry. That's how I do it.



I'm moving a shit ton full of data around on my computer and the process appears to be way slower than I anticipated. By my solar powered calculator, the porn will be moved off the G: drive and onto the X: drive in... wait, the calculator just says "November." This is either the best or worst free solar calculator ever. Either way, I'm going to try to put a copy of Windows 7 and a copy of Mac OS on my computer this weekend. Get me an extra hard drive and a bottle of anything. I've never watched porn on a Mac before. My goal is to be the first person to ever watch heterosexual porn on a Macintosh.



Wow... that last line is a tweet if I ever wrote one. You see... it's offensive to Mac users, and gays and lesbians. Yes!



Anyways, I'm going back to bed for CNN then hitting the gym. If I quantified the time I've spent writing blogs, Tweets, Facebook, whatever... it would depress the living fuck out of me.



Peace,



gooch:out

P.S: Don't think I didn't notice the "chard" typo on the previous post. I guess it's how a 'tard spells "chart." I don't know. Fuck... I hate typos.