One Tough Bastard (1995)

Brian Bosworth and MC Hammer in one movie. It looks like the pilot for The Surreal Life.

An Excerpt from an email I sent last night while really, really hammered:

I love PSU, I remember the falls especially. Good times. Harvey’s can be done, let me know. My friend gets tickets all the time.

Gooch:too drunk to type… Really. You know I’ll hang out when and wherever.

I’m plowed…. I’m reading my email and not remembering most of it… I just wrote it. What “falls” am I talking about? Jesus…

Crap. I need rehab or something. Further proving the notion that people like me better when I'm drunk, a girl gave me her number last night and I don't remember getting it. I met her two weeks ago when I was stone sober and she said she had a boyfriend then. Basically, incoherent Gooch is more appealing than sober, polite Gooch.

Sober Gooch isn't into dating anyone at all and drunk Gooch is asking for phone numbers. Sober Gooch isn't calling them, though. I didn't drink and dial last night, thank God. I need a cell phone that requires a breathalyzer to dial out. I hate going through my dialed call list on my phone and seeing numbers that I don't remember dialing. I'm pissed that drunk Gooch ate junk food last night but pleased that he left a Rock Star energy drink in the fridge next to the bed.

GOOCH:Living La Vida Drunka!

I've gotta get out of East County.

I have an M.C.P. from Microsoft, I have survived solely on my income as a freelance tech support provider for the last year. I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their database isn't corrupted or that their damaged hard drive can be ghosted or that their backup tapes will actually restore the lost files, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in the server closet on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.

The movie Malice yielded the best line (soliloquy?) ever. At least, the best line delivered by a Baldwin and modified by me. Sweet.

GOOCH:delusional

I sort of went off the deep end yesterday. Sort of an anxiety ridden,shaking, talk to yourself, beating the steering wheel, change radio stations every two seconds and avoid other people mood. I started driving and before I knew it I was somewhere in Washington State with cash and no plans, sleeping in a 76 Station parking lot at 1:00 in the afternoon. My friend Nikki talked me into coming home. When I did drive home I was already 10 miles south of where I needed to exit before I even knew I was back in Oregon. Weird. I went to my friend's work and had some soda, then I bought the Family Guy season 1 box set and fell asleep watching that.

I decided to publish a column in the "Columns" section that I wrote a couple days ago. It's not edgy and even debatable if anyone besides myself would benefit from it. It's my website, my server, so I guess I have the right to throw stuff like that up periodically.

Its in the Columns section in the menu above, or just click here: 1111 The Bryce Column.

Congratulations to YMike and Jenna on their pregnancy.

The Jones Soda Co. Holiday Pack - Only Available from Jones!

YMike sent this to me suggesting I "just add [a fifth of vodka] and 'Presto!' instant holiday liquid meal!"

I might do that the day before Thanksgiving or something. Before I checked my email I went to the liquor store and bought... a fifth of vodka. I'm stocked. The way I stress out around the holidays, how I absolutely fucking hate the holidays... this might not be a bad course of action.

Oh, I really came off sounding like a pussy with last night's blog. I was tired, incoherent, out of my mind. I really was unable to interact with people on any level. I took a picture of my eyes because I was so tired that I wanted to see what they looked like. I did have a shitty weekend and I guess was so conscious of my tired, burning eyes that I thought I should capture the moment. I do like the new U2 album, but it occurred to me today during coffee that the story of the new U2 album master being "stolen" and suddenly released on filesharing networks two weeks before the release date of the actual album and U2 selling out all over Apple's iPod is all one manufactured marketing sceme. Hey Bono... sell your goofball conspiracy theories to the tourists. The bullshit-o-meter here in the GoochCave went off the second I downloaded your first illegally acquired track. What's up now? Hey, The Edge: Webster's called, they want their noun back.

Achtung, Baby... indeed! Gooch the fuck out.

New U2 Album Hits The Net

I'm writing this as I unwind from a blur of a weekend. Party, work, tragedy, romance, revelations, haircut... a microcosmic lifetime was lived by me over the last four days. The mellow, pleasantly simplistic subject matter of the latest pirated U2 album - currently a track titled "Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own" is playing gently through the speakers on my computer. I'm tired and anxious... hurrying up to wait for nothing to happen.

I like this new U2 album. I wish I was listening to it on a crisp night on the beach with a bottle of domestic beer in one hand and a cute girl's hand in the other. We'd be wrapped in a blanket in front of a small fire with five or six friends. That would be so perfect.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)