Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
With Iron Maiden in the background, blaring from my Sirius boombox I sit doing one of the most boring tasks in tech support: watching Windows Update install onto a new XP install. Someone even visited me here in the office on Sandy Blvd (Portland, OR) and asked me if all I do all day is watch task bars go from left to right on computer monitors.
Honestly, a lot of it, yes.
Remember, though, that when you hire someone to work on your computer, odds are that the nearest three year old could accomplish the task. You hire chubby guys with glasses and polo-styled shirts to work on your computer not because they know what to do. You hire them because they know what to do when all hell breaks loose.
And who the fuck decided to call me bipolar? Maybe mood swings are just part of my personality. I miss the old me. I mean, symptoms of Bipolar Disorder include alcohol abuse, cocaine abuse, shopping sprees, delusions of grandeur... some people call that a pathway to destruction.
I used to call it a Tuesday.
Check out the new blog residence. It looks like my blog went shopping at Old Navy. It's so pretty I didn't want to ruin anything by posting another blog. Nice, eh?
goochout
Honestly, a lot of it, yes.
Remember, though, that when you hire someone to work on your computer, odds are that the nearest three year old could accomplish the task. You hire chubby guys with glasses and polo-styled shirts to work on your computer not because they know what to do. You hire them because they know what to do when all hell breaks loose.
And who the fuck decided to call me bipolar? Maybe mood swings are just part of my personality. I miss the old me. I mean, symptoms of Bipolar Disorder include alcohol abuse, cocaine abuse, shopping sprees, delusions of grandeur... some people call that a pathway to destruction.
I used to call it a Tuesday.
Check out the new blog residence. It looks like my blog went shopping at Old Navy. It's so pretty I didn't want to ruin anything by posting another blog. Nice, eh?
goochout
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
So the comment I made about "promise rings" merely being a man's way to get a girl to shut the fuck up for a couple of months was actually said to a girl while she was getting her hair cut. That girl was working at a Walgreen's tonight and saw me trying to pick up my prescription. She announced that I was the guy who "said the stuff about promise rings" and the girl who was helping me turned her head towards me and uttered "oh, that rings are meant to tell girls to shut the fuck up..."
Guess what? My prescription that was put in at 10am this morning at Walgreen's and attempted to be picked up at 7:30 this evening was "out of stock." They had all of my phone numbers ready and they even got my phone number when I dropped off the prescription. They didn't bother to call me. That sucks. I told them I thought they were screwing with me because of the joke I'd made but they denied it. Fuckers.
Oh, is it me or am I hard pressed to find any relationship where the individuals are better off for being together. Tom and Katie, Brit and KFed, Me and my ex, some of my friends, Brad and Angelina, Paris and a camcorder... all suck. I'm hard pressed to find people I know that are better off that they've found someone. Jesus Christ... People need to step back, look at themselves and think about where they were right before they got into that ball and chain situation. I met a girl that I'm crazy about and has a lot in common with me (except, of course, for age) and just as things were moving forward she had a 10 day trip to California planned. As much as I miss her and know how fanfuckingtastic the sex would be I'm glad she went on the trip because I was starting to sound like a fucking pussy. I mean I gave her my ring to take with her on the trip "to bring back to me." I said shit like "I'll be here for you... I hope you want me this much when you come back." Sobriety on my part and a plane trip on hers was perfectly timed. As much as I dig this girl there's something about waking up alone. Most of the time.
Anyways, look at your relationship situation and think about whether or not your life is better because of it.
Suckers.
goochout
I have a hard drive failing in my computer. I can fucking hear it. My server crashed, my laser printer needs servicing, the inkjet printer needs ink, and now my D: drive is crapping out. motherfucker.
Guess what? My prescription that was put in at 10am this morning at Walgreen's and attempted to be picked up at 7:30 this evening was "out of stock." They had all of my phone numbers ready and they even got my phone number when I dropped off the prescription. They didn't bother to call me. That sucks. I told them I thought they were screwing with me because of the joke I'd made but they denied it. Fuckers.
Oh, is it me or am I hard pressed to find any relationship where the individuals are better off for being together. Tom and Katie, Brit and KFed, Me and my ex, some of my friends, Brad and Angelina, Paris and a camcorder... all suck. I'm hard pressed to find people I know that are better off that they've found someone. Jesus Christ... People need to step back, look at themselves and think about where they were right before they got into that ball and chain situation. I met a girl that I'm crazy about and has a lot in common with me (except, of course, for age) and just as things were moving forward she had a 10 day trip to California planned. As much as I miss her and know how fanfuckingtastic the sex would be I'm glad she went on the trip because I was starting to sound like a fucking pussy. I mean I gave her my ring to take with her on the trip "to bring back to me." I said shit like "I'll be here for you... I hope you want me this much when you come back." Sobriety on my part and a plane trip on hers was perfectly timed. As much as I dig this girl there's something about waking up alone. Most of the time.
Anyways, look at your relationship situation and think about whether or not your life is better because of it.
Suckers.
goochout
I have a hard drive failing in my computer. I can fucking hear it. My server crashed, my laser printer needs servicing, the inkjet printer needs ink, and now my D: drive is crapping out. motherfucker.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Darren McGavin, Don Knotts, and Dennis Weaver. We were all waiting for the third one to die. I'm actually a McGavin fan because of Christmas Story, a Don Knotts fan because of Andy Griffith, and a Dennis Weaver fan because of the movie Duel, one of Steven Spielberg's early directorial efforts.
Otherwise, I'm pining away here at an office somewhere in downtown Portland. I'm on hold with a vendor and the piano solo hold music is putting me into a coma.
Otherwise, I'm pining away here at an office somewhere in downtown Portland. I'm on hold with a vendor and the piano solo hold music is putting me into a coma.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
I understand that weddings and engagements abound this season. Ladies: you've nagged enough that your man has given in to your demands and purchased a ring priced at two month's his salary. Congratulations girls! He's allowed to soon let you hold half of his assets hostage.
Until one of you dies, that is.
Engagement rings and particularly the "promise ring" are simply "woman, shut the fuck up" rings. The promise ring is the best. This is when a woman moans about settling down and so some genius decided to create a segue token between "everything's cool the way it is" to "Will you marry me." The promise ring simply states "I love banging you, I don't think I could immediately find something better, so here's something to tide you over for another six months." Also, a promise ring worth over two hundred dollars almost guarantees a blow job.
Being single and looking at things from the outside has really given me some perspective. I've seen people get engaged with ambiguous wedding dates set. I've watched men in terror as they're nagged at dinner in front of his friends about commitment, moving in together, and shit like that. Nothing drives a man's face further into the ass of another woman than his girlfriend of 13 months looking at real estate brochures and subscribing to "Today's Bride Magazine".
And what about children? Biological clocks and ticking time bombs sound the same to a man: ominous as hell. Sleeping in, jerking off, watching porn in semi seclusion are things we must be weaned from, not yanked away by a pregnancy test turning blue.
In conclusion: I've got to go get ready for work at a strip club. I'm going to drink, hit an after party with semi clothed chicks, and hopefully pass out into the arms of a girl whose name I couldn't care less about and who certainly isn't looking for a ring from me.
GOOCH:OUT
Until one of you dies, that is.
Engagement rings and particularly the "promise ring" are simply "woman, shut the fuck up" rings. The promise ring is the best. This is when a woman moans about settling down and so some genius decided to create a segue token between "everything's cool the way it is" to "Will you marry me." The promise ring simply states "I love banging you, I don't think I could immediately find something better, so here's something to tide you over for another six months." Also, a promise ring worth over two hundred dollars almost guarantees a blow job.
Being single and looking at things from the outside has really given me some perspective. I've seen people get engaged with ambiguous wedding dates set. I've watched men in terror as they're nagged at dinner in front of his friends about commitment, moving in together, and shit like that. Nothing drives a man's face further into the ass of another woman than his girlfriend of 13 months looking at real estate brochures and subscribing to "Today's Bride Magazine".
And what about children? Biological clocks and ticking time bombs sound the same to a man: ominous as hell. Sleeping in, jerking off, watching porn in semi seclusion are things we must be weaned from, not yanked away by a pregnancy test turning blue.
In conclusion: I've got to go get ready for work at a strip club. I'm going to drink, hit an after party with semi clothed chicks, and hopefully pass out into the arms of a girl whose name I couldn't care less about and who certainly isn't looking for a ring from me.
GOOCH:OUT