I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Suffice it to even say... a little depressed. Just when I think I won't pull through, just when I start to put the barrel of a revolver to my temple... this happens:

OLCC chief quits after drunken-driving arrest

I'm so happy... I want to live now! Every liquor server, every bar owner and manager - REJOICE!

Hallelujah... indeed.

In other news: I'm officially single.

goochout.

Happy Birthday Al Pacino.

I watched Donnie Brasco on Friday and The Godfather Marathon on AMC the rest of my TV watching weekend. Thanks to plastic surgery, he now always looks surprised:



I didn't watch Godfather III this weekend because it sucks. Talia Shire had a hand in trying to ruin two great franchises: Rocky (with Rocky V) and Godfather (with GF III). She might as well have been cast in the sequel to Saturday Night Fever, and Star Wars 1 through 3. Maybe they'll make a sequel to Rad, a forgettable movie with Talia Shire I rented about thirty times as a kid. Hey, Rad came out in 1986... how about a 20 year anniversary box set? Sweet!

Wow, this blog went from a happy birthday to Pacino to commentary about the Movie Rad. Funny how that panned out.

Gotta go to work.

goochout.

Thanks to everyone who came out to Montego's last night; it was a lot of fun filled with drinking, strippers, and even some drama at the end. A perfect night, indeed. I was driven to two different bars to find where I left my car.

A friend and I drove by the Oregon Employment office today on my way to retreive my car. It's odd that it's called the Employment office since no one who passes through those doors actually has a job. The thought occured to me, though: What happens if you work for the Employment office and get fired or laid off? It's the ultimate irony. You'd get canned and walk over to the next cubicle to turn in your forms. And if your unemployment claim gets denied, who do you appeal to?

"Your request to appeal your denial of unemployment insurance has been denied."
"I'd like to appeal..."
"Denied."
"Can I ap..."
"Denied."
"I'd like to appe..."
"Denied."

Talk about the fox and the henhouse.

Eh, funny shit.

goochout.

I didn't feel old until I told a friend of mine that a lady he works with is "an older chick I'd throw it in" (meaning I'd have sex with her - but not now because I have a girlfriend).

My friend informed me that the lady in question is a year younger than me. I... I looked at a woman as "older," and she's younger than me.

Fuck.

I guess if you average the age of my, um, conquests (isn't it funny how you can preface anything with "um" and it's universally known that the word(s) to follow will mean sex?) for the last year or so; it's about 22. You make what you want of it; I have no idea. I didn't even think about it until I had to write that last sentence and pull out the masterlist.xls Excel spreadsheet.

My Birthday "Party" is tonight:
Montego's Strip Club.
My shift starts at 8pm
21 and over.
15826 SE Division - Portland

goochout.

I beat CNN's Jeanne Moos by a day on the "Suri means pickpocket in Japanese."

Don't forget Saturday night.

goochout

David Lee Roth is on the bubble in terms of his talk show and, perhaps, his talk show host career. He's a much better interviewee than interviewer. My friend Marty had a Stern interview with Roth on an iPod and we were dying laughing. I guess replacing the most celebrated media icon of all time with a washed up metal singer wasn't the most calculated move in broadcast history.

CNN Story

NEWS UPDATE 04.18.06:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes spawn. Seven pounds, seven ounces, 20 inches. Have Katie Holmes parents filed an Amber Alert yet?

"Hey Honey... our daughter and our turkey baster is missing!"

So Cruise and Holmes... okay, who are we kidding. So Tom Cruise named his first biologically born child Suri which means "princess" in Hebrew and "red rose" in Persian. a little Goochonline research reveals that Suri also means "pickpocket" in Japanese, which is probably a roundabout yet accurate term for say... the entire relig-cult of Scientology.

Free personality assessment? I've got one for you, Tom: You're fucking nuts. Take a brochure.

Mission Impossible? Try Tom Cruise getting a hard-on in front of a chick.

My Birthday "Party" is this Saturday:
Montego's Strip Club.
21 and over.
15826 SE Division - Portland