A verbatim quote from a text message I received last night. Actually, I'll print what I sent via SMS (asking what time I should show up to help this person move), and after that, the response:

GOOCH:
Subject: Moving tomnorrow?
Body: Still? What time?

Girl For Whom I Was Going To Ditch Work and Help Move:
Fuck off u god dam flake learn 2 do shit u say ur goin 2 do i
dnt and wont deal with peep sayin their goin 2 do somthan
lose my number and get lost

I guess I didn't call her back one morning last week. All of the misspellings, including mine were directly from the text message logs on my phone. I responded to that message with the following regarding a planned trip to the Coast:

GOOCH:
Subject: Casino
Body: Are we still on for the 3rd then?

God Dammit! She's probably going to remove me from her Top Eight on MySpace. The humanity!

I went out for drinks with a friend last night and ended up sleeping in the office where I work (on my kickass hideabed) so that I could deliver a computer and, since I don't have to help move today, work with Gregster.

iamgoochbitch.
out.

I was at a sushi restaurant with Greg and at a booth near us there was a woman asking for an "ingredient list" or "a menu that shows everything and what's in it." She explained to the hostess, to whom english wasn't a first language, that she "can't eat anything raw." At one point, later on, her friends had to explain that the shrimp was cooked because otherwise it would be gray and not pink.

What a pain in the ass. I fucking hate people that have dietary issues and therefore need to bombard some $8/hour waitress with questions about the minute details of her employer's menu.

"Now... are these tortillas gluten free?"
"How many carbs are in these sweet rolls?"
"Does this pad thai have peanuts in it... because I'm allergic."

Then there's the really fucking fat people making a big deal about how they're on a "restricted diet" and may need to "speak with the manager" regarding certain menu items to ensure that they're okay to eat.

Unfuckingreal.

I eat a lot of sushi, I just determined. When I go to heaven there will be a table. At that table will be a box set of South Park, a sushi carousel, and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

goochout.

I never, ever, like Brandy. One of the most arrogant teen pop sensations on the planet. I saw her on TV once and she had a body guard yelling at someone on the phone for what seemed like an eternity... just showboating for the camera because she's such a big star that she has someone yelling at hotel staff to get her way. She sucks. I hope she dies. I hope she dies as horrible a death as the person she fucking killed in December during a car crash.

Click HERE for the story (TMZ).

Oh, hi Sarah M. and Jenn E.

TIGGER PLEASE.

Showed up at a client's office this morning. There's about 40 people here and I had multiple complaints about not being able to print. Problem?

Printer wasn't turned on. There's two lessons to be learned from this:

1) A little legwork on your part can save time and money.
2) You can make a living pointing out the obvious to people.

Here's what I'll be doing for the State of the Union speech tonight:
http://www.drinkinggame.us/

I went to high school with this guy.

goochOUT

It's 6am and I'm lying in bed (or is it laying in bed? I guess laying is what I do in bed and lying in bed is what I do afterwards (I'll call you!)). What the fuck am I talking about? Hung out with some female friends last night. I have too many female friends. Maybe I'm secretly building up the numbers of females I surround myself with so that I increase the chances of one of them slipping up and having sex with me.

I'm a pig.

Is Gwen Stefani a fucking alien? She used to be the cute "Just a Girl" chick with the Adidas pants and now she's some bizarre pop star with plastic hair and pet Asian girls. Fucking creepy.

I'm hungry. I've been going to the gym a lot and I feel better physically and have regained some of the confidence I lost with a medication related massive weight gain. over the last year. That said, I don't want anyone to think that I enjoy running in place, putting large metal weights over my head, getting up at 6am, or eating healthy. Jack Daniels needs to make a nutrition drink.

U2 video: I love U2. They've found their pop niche and are thriving in it. This video is the best thing on TV right now:



If there was a goth chick beauty pageant, Amy Lee from Evanescence (can you tell I have MTV on) would fucking win. Amy: I'm sorry all those guys treated you like shit... I won't do that to you. The world is a fucked up, confusing, hurtful place. Why don't you and I go listen to the Cure, smoke cigarettes, and talk about how our parents don't understand us. I love you Amy Lee. I want to exploit your low self esteem in an ultimate effort to have sex with you and... God Dammit! I always say too much/say the wrong thing. I wish I knew how to talk to girls!

Christina Aguilera will always look like she smells. Bad.

To follow up on a blog from The Domino Effect...

Death in radio contests prompts investigation.

To quote my 'comment' from Gregster's blog:

Imagine having to tell her kids how/why she died. Some people get to die in a war or pulling kids out of a burning orphanage. She's a punchline for a bunch of amateur bloggers and morning radio show hosts. Eh, I would have done it for the PS3... not the Wii. It's not even high def.