So, is this a new "Got Milk" ad or the cover of the next "Barely Legal" magazine?

An abstract piece of art wherein the woman represents Hayden Pannetierre and the glass of milk symbolizes my penis.

I had Chinese food last night and when I opened the fortune cookie, all it said was:

"In Bed."

Completely threw me off.



I saw this clip on "The Soup" and thought you'd like it.

I'm assuming that the guy was taking a crap in a field and a donkey saw the man's exposed ass, got a huge boner (see the video), and tried to screw him.

Talk about getting ass fucked!

Wow, Gooch. Didn't see that coming. It's a donkey, so you had to throw an "ass" reference in there. Couldn't keep it highbrow, eh? Remember when you used to write content and not copy and paste everything you found amusing? This is why people like you better when you're drunk.

Hayden Panettiere is 18 today. It's okay to jerk off to her now.



You sick fucks.

DJ'd at Montego's Saturday night. I stayed relatively sober. The strippers got drunk. One of them vomited in the dressing room, which wasn't a catastrophe except for the fact that the dressing room is next to the DJ booth. The girl apologized for being so drunk, but I couldn't really expect her to stay coherent for more than three hours into her six hour shift.

I'm eating Hot Tamales candy right now. I'm always trying to avoid sugar, but damn I love Hot Tamales.

Is it okay if I don't like Nickelback? I mean, you can, but I'll do without. Thanks!

Holy fucking shit... do the news stations love anything more than a hurricane? Is there nothing else going on in the world that we need up to the minute reports that it's raining and windy somewhere in Mexico? The only thing that would make CNN happier is if a Panda was somehow born in the middle of the storm. That's what they need. A hurricane over a zoo where a panda is being born in a bathroom stall next to the one in which Lindsay Lohan is doing cocaine on a mirror propped on Anna Nicole Smith's corpse.

goochout.

I was watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning last night and actually turned it off because it grossed me out. I was even on my second glass of wine and a Xanax but I'd had enough. I guess I have to be in a mood for horror films. Didn't used to be. Jesus... the pussification of Gooch is almost complete.

Working at Montego's this Saturday and I am with everyone when I say I really, really, absolutely hope that the girls are hot. I do plan on getting loaded. With alcohol. The club won't know whether to offer me more shifts or get a restraining order. I love walking that fine line.

Happy birthday Robert DeNiro.

goochout.

I'm actually smiling in this picture. Really. Ground Kontrol 08.14.07

You know that scene in Office Space where Peter is in the trance and goes to work in flip flops and flippant attitude towards work? That was my entire day yesterday. I took an hour's worth of work and stretched it to a full day.

I have remote access to email and my two office computers, which helped. I slept in, went to a convenience store and picked up a Diet Pepsi, got to a residential customer where I sat and bullshitted so much that although I did a kickass job, only charged half rate. I then went to lunch and chatted away with a random girl at the bar. I went to the office and bullshitted with some people at the tattoo parlor down the hall, printed out invoices, visited my Dad at his office (and stole postage off his office's meter to send out the aforementioned invoices), visited Mom at her office, went to Ground Kontrol downtown and played Punch Out, Track and Field, Star Wars, Mortal Kombat, Q*Bert, Pole Position, Frogger, and Joust. I was so happy. So fucking happy. From there I went to a meeting at an Italian restaurant, then went to Montego's and picked up a possibly defective hard drive. Oh, and drank a bunch of Three Olives vodka (sampling different flavors).

I'll be at Montego's on 158th and Division this Saturday.