Yo

It was twelve days between posts. Crazy. I'm getting domesticated lately. I'm vacuuming regularly. I'm cleaning the litterbox sometimes up to twice a month now. I have a girlfriend. I balance my checkbook(s). I just started eating healthier. The GF has me eating at places that don't feature happy hours. You know, cheese plates served on marble, wines that aren't fortified or have the same name as an indie rock band. I shoot at a gun range. I make my bed. I'm starting to wind down on the media piracy. At least from my own house. Two letters from Comcast might have helped me with that decision. Speaking of letters, I'm into sending birthday cards and thank you notes. I got a new electric toothbrush and I'm wildly excited about this.

I leave you with this.

I love my bitches, but where's my crackaz?

Shalom.

I've never been to jail. If I ever get the chance, I want to make sure my mug shot is pretty tight because I want to blow that shit up, frame it, and light it up with some track lighting.

I check out http://www.pdxmugshots.com/ about every day. It's like a dynamic-content yearbook of degenerates. Some of whom I know. There's nothing better than coming across a dude or girl that you know in a mug shot collection. I can say this, because I'm truly burned out on internet porn, so it's either this or cancel my internet. I mean, who checks email anymore?

Check out the website and check out some of these rock stars:

He's booked on assault charges. Apparently he repeatedly hit someone in the toe with the side of his face.

Before (11/2010)

After (05/17/2011)

Failed to register as a sex offender. In all fairness, should you have to register
as a sex offender when you look like this? It's sort of a given, I'd imagine.
Like someone in a wheelchair having to register as a handicapped person.

I'm off to bed. Peace.

goochout.

Facebook Post that Didn't Make it... UPDATE

At the 11:11...

My indoor soccer team told me I've been replaced by a better player. I don't know how they expect to get his wheelchair on and off the field but hey, that's not my problem.

Facebook post that did make it:

Bin Laden unarmed? If that mattered, we would have sent the LAPD to kill him. He would have not only been found "armed," they would have found a loaded crack pipe and a bloody glove.

Everyone except a cop friend (PPB) seemed to think it was funny.

Update: I almost (after one beer) commented to the Portland Police Sergeant the following (call this a smartass comment that didn't make it):

Portland Police don't need drop guns. They have Grand Juries.

I didn't post it because having a night stick surgically removed from my asshole would cut into my weekend. You know, because the doctors would have to cut into my weak end.

I'm an idiot.
Back to the grill... again.

goochout.

And at the 11:11...

I'm a recovering asshole. I'm beginning to see the error of my ways and I'm slowly evolving (or, more accurately, undevolving) into what you people call a genuine human being. With feelings and stuff.

About to listen to the new Beastie Boys album. I hope it's good. New South Park season starts this week. I hope it doesn't follow the suck trend of the last couple years. I just want everyone to understand when they should call it quits.

Like me with this post.

goochout.

Facebook post that didn't make it

Whyy is everyone making such a big deal about the Royal wedding coverage? It's pretty much the same as it was 30 years ago when the last generation of boring as hell royals got hitched. Unemployment is at an all time high and two more soap operas just got cancelled. It's just escapism entertainment. Not everyone is as socially conscious as you.

Certain people would have taken it as offensive/directed at them personally. I don't care that much either way.

goochout.

Sing it: And there'll be bunnies hopping and Christ is rising there too...

The story of Easter, as I recall it is that Jesus gets tortured and killed, put into a tomb, and after a few days wakes up and moves the boulder sealing off the tomb. Is the story of Easter not  the greatest setup for a rampage film ever?

I mean, a thirty three year old with a kickass beard emerges from a tomb. He looks at his hands and feet to see unhealed nail holes are still present. He pauses, looks up and screams "dude, what the fuck was that!?"Cut to underground bunker filled with fully automatic assault rifles, grenades. Jesus throws an AK-47 and a rocket launcher over each shoulder and an ammo belt and a rosary around his neck. Don we now our death apparel. All he'd need is an ironically Hasidic Jewish sidekick and let he who casts the first stone get his motherfucking cap peeled.


goochout.

Kool Thing.

I solved a couple troubling/complicated issues yesterday. As an IT consultant/contractor this is, of course, what I do and what I'm paid for. However, problems are not always easy to solve and sometimes things don't always go as planned. After an hour of zero progress, I've identified my stages of failure as I perceive them:

• There's got to be a way to solve this.
• I can't believe I'm having this much trouble solving this.
• They know they're paying me by the hour, right?
• Google it.
• Call an associate (phone a friend).
• Bring my netbook in and set it up, if only to give the illusion that I'm escalating my efforts and not that I still have no fucking clue.
• Google it again; change some words around or something.
• Go out to the car, turn up the music, and yell "fuck" loudly. Unless I'm working at a church.
• Tell customer that I have to get more tools out of my truck. Disappear inexplicably.
• If the customer isn't nearby, quietly ease out of the nearest fire escape.

As I write this I'm sitting in the home office eating some home made pizza for breakfast and packing the rest for lunch. Sonic Youth (pictured above, for those of you that aren't as wildly hip as I am) is on the iTunes. I have an office anniversary party this afternoon. Short day, it would seem. Also, someone I knew in high school apparently died last night in a car accident. I didn't know her that well, although we were Facebook friends. I can't stand how people take other people's deaths and make it into a "look at me and how I'm mourning" opportunity.

People are such attention whores.

She was driving her truck and reached for something in the glove box, lost control of the vehicle, and rolled it. Her three children were wearing their seatbelts and survived. The woman, Kim Yost, was not wearing her seatbelt, was thrown from the vehicle and killed.

Wear your seatbelt.

I'd say my life has been saved at least twice by my wearing my seatbelt. I've never had an airbag deploy on me. Strictly crumple zones and nylon belts have stood between me and permanent disfiguration. Or permanent death. I've been in a temporary death for about eight years.

It's sad regardless of personal safety hindsight. Check out Kim Yost's last Facebook post (from just six days ago):

Just wanna state for the record, my oldest Aryal moved back in with me last sunday!!! Relized daddy's a D#$% the hard way. Turned him in for child abuse 2 sundays ago on the 2 youngest, then last sunday on my oldest! I have poggressively gotten angrier over the last 6 months, found out it was cause my "flock" was split!

Apparently she had finally gotten custody of all three of her children (who were in the truck at the time of the accident). Other posts from other people suggest that she was in school and her life was looking up for a change.

Wear your seatbelt.

Shit, it's 9am. I have to get to work.
goochout.