I took too many caffeine pills yesterday and started having an anxiety attack which was quickly diffused with shots of tequila as I entered into the first few hours of my DJ shift.
Shitfaced and obnoxious I became as I played Pantera, Megadeth, and the other bands that white people in East County love to hear. A girl I met earlier in the evening who told me about how her boyfriend and she are going to start a bed and breakfast in Puerto Rico began groping me in the DJ booth. Not even really that hot. Girls with boyfriends who come on to me are probably the number 4 reason I fear getting into a relationship. I'm not flattered... I'm only thinking about the thought of my girlfriend doing the same thing to another guy. Best stay single. I would, except I have a girlfriend who dances at the club. I don't know her last name and we've never seen each other outside of the bar, but I love her. Making out in a strip club dressing room constitutes a relationship, right?
Confidential message from sober Gooch to drunk Gooch: Quit going to McDonald's after your shift. You fat fuck. I see the wrappers in the garbage can... you can't hide them from me you little bitch. No wonder my time on the treadmill isn't doing shit... you're fucking sabotaging me. Stop it.
"Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." - Dean Vernon Wormer to Flounder in Animal House (1978).
Oh, and the only thing worse than waking up to a fat chick is waking up to your computer with a "DISK BOOT FAILURE - INSERT BOOT DISK AND PRESS ENTER" message.
So my server and my workstation have both crapped out on me. At least my porn server in the living room and my laptop (Now set up in the kitchen) are functioning.
I woke up this morning hung over and fully realized the potential of my wall mounted TV with built in DVD and VCR. I can wake up and alternate watching my Family Guy DVD and a compilation porn tape; both preloaded by Drunk Gooch the night before. Hey, at least he does something right.
I'm starting to make Danny Bonaduce seem well adjusted. He truly is the reason that red headed kids should be allowed to be aborted around, say, the fifth trimester.
goochout.
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