Here's a ticket that we can all get behind for 2008:



Barack - Baraka 2008. I should photoshop Obama's head onto Baraka's body. Baracka! Eh, have to go to work. Would someone do the photoshop for me? It would make me laugh.

Heh.

goochout.

My superior immune system has been fighting off the virus that all of you have been trying to give to me. I won't be brought down. My immune system is like my penis: small but determined.

Wait... I just got chills. Am I getting sick, or just reacting to a bad penis joke?

Is there any truth to the story that Heath Ledger used to stare at bottles of prescription pills and say "why can't I quit you?"


gooch sucks.

I think I'm coming down with the same flu that twenty people had to tell me they had in person last week.

My friend bought me a couple of EasyMac cups because she heard me say I was "craving" them. Which, I was. Obviously, because I had them for breakfast. Since I'd survived on lettuce, flaxseed, and lean meats for the three weeks prior, this will hurt later.

I indulge in everything. The only difference between me and Chris Farley and John Belushi is that I jog. And they're funny. And they're rich. I'm pretty sure that if I was super rich, I'd be super dead. TMZ would screw up the story of my death, like they did with Heath Ledger about 50 times yesterday. Read their website, they leave the goofs in (commendable).

"...Mr. Gallucci was found naked, face down, on top of a stripper (who had no comment). Prescription Viagra bottles and empty cups of EasyMac macaroni and cheese were strewn about the apartment."

"This news report brought to you by Pfizer. And Kraft."

RIP Heath Ledger. You played such a good gay guy that it's a wonder Elton John hasn't reworked "Candle in the Wind" for you already.

goochout.

Safeway Chinese food... still resident inside me. Painful.

I had to reset my iPod today. It failed after a Nike+iPod workout, not recording my latest jogging endeavor. Hold down the center button plus the menu button at the same time? Sounds a lot like CTRL+ALT+DEL, if you aks me.

I say "aks" to ingratiate my urban fan base. By "urban fan base," I mean the two black guys banging on my front door as I write this. Who knew that prostitutes would be so touchy when it comes to IOUs?

Amy Winehouse smoking crack? On video? First Marion Barry and now this? Amy Winehouse singing a song called "Rehab" is like me singing a song called "Eating and Drinking Less."





"That bitch set me up..." indeed.

goochout

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

fuck.

I know Jared (the former Secret Service agent with whom I went to school) wants this subject left alone, but I wanted to repost this comment on a post on my blog:

All of you idiots who do not know anything about the legal system should shut the hell up. Jared took a plea to avoid a trial and potentially a long sentence. The original charges carried a max of 20-30 yrs so what he got was nothing compared to what he could have.

Besides it was disclosed that the lady signed the will but Jared only added the notary page when it was discovered it was missing AFTER her death. The benneficiary (her fiance) recieved the proceeds of the estate NOT Jared. It was not right that he added the notary page, but he did carry out the wishes of the deceased woman.

Addmitting that he doctored the estate documents is still considered by the law as forgery - but obviously completly different than if he actually made the whole thing up from scratch.

To the post of the suposed sister - why would you allow him to handle the funeral aragements if you were suposedly so close to your sister? It was made clear you and your family were not involved in her life and were considered estranged. You new the beneficiary had recieved money from an accident and those were the funds used to pay Jared back for the funeral costs...what's your problem - you did not get to collect on the unfortunant passing of your sister and want to give him a hard time for carrying out her wishes. The fiance loved her and did more for her that you or your entire family ever did!

Also the prosecution makes complete asses of themselves. They know the benneficiary recieved money from a car accident BEFORE he recieved any funds from the estate. He paid Jared back for the funeral - which the lady's own family who sounded soooo concered would not pay for (assholes) - and for other things. After paying him back the 8,000 the beneficiary kept the rest of his settlement money. It was a month or so later that he recieved the first 8,000 from the estate and subsequently recieved the rest of the money from the estate. The prosecution liked to rely on a few statements the benneficiary made which showed he trusted Jared, but they refused to use the statements where he said he recied ALL of the estate money from Jared in monthly incriments. Shame on the prosecution for picking and chosing what facts they put into evidence - tax dollars hard at work!

It was also admitted by the bank that there was NO LOSS to the bank. The bad checks he received from his potential tennants cleared the bank, but the money was retured by Jared when he was contacted by the bank.

I also did some checking on his business in NC. He rents rooms out to adults with special needs. Many of his tennants come from state and federal funded programs that neeed housing for their clients. This is a much needed service and a niche that other property owners should look in to. I would not be surprised that some of the tenants have had substance abuse issues, but it is just like Jared to help these people out. He is a good man who made a mistake - don't we all.

I am sure the "neighbor" who posted is not the ideal neighbor in the community. They probably have dogs keeping the neighbors up or have had a history of sleeping around with other neighbors. Probably smokers of weed themselves. They sound like a couple of winners...HA


---end of quote.

goochout