GOOCHONLINE - Since 1999

There are two people that do not look at this website: My Mother and my girlfriend. My Mom, I assume, just forgot about it over time and my girlfriend thinks it's best that she doesn't read it.

Truth of the matter is, I'm going to break out of character for a moment and discuss relationships honestly for one blog. This is it; read closely.

I've had four girlfriends now since the conception of this website. The last two years were spent in a relationship that was, at best, truly fucked up. At the time I didn't realize how bad it was, but now I see that you shouldn't have to work so hard to keep your girlfriend from fucking other guys. After that relationship ended I stayed as far away from "girlfriends" as possible: passing myself off as a strip club DJ since November of last year. It's been a lot of fun and I still work on Saturdays playing music, announcing dancers, and drinking drinks (my Mother does not know that I work at a strip club).

Unexpectedly, as these things happen, I met a girl. Not in a sleazy way, but in a "long no sex courtship can't stop thinking about her" way. We've dated solidly for a short while and today I came home from work to my house that she cleaned while I was gone. She took a nap in my bed and was asleep when I walked upstairs to see her. I kneeled next to the bed and watched her sleep, knowing that at any moment she's probably wake up, smile, and kiss me on the cheek. It was a moment in which I never, ever thought I'd find myself, yet was so happy to be in. I can't watch a television show (besides cartoons) for more than five minutes yet I watched this girl sleep for ten.

I then realized that I was starting to feel and act like a giant pussy. I looked around even though it was impossible for anyone to see me. This is the exact type of feeling that I've been trying to avoid. Vulnerability is frightening as fuck.

Blogs about blow jobs from strippers are awesome.

Blogs about holding hands with a girl during a scary movie suck.

But I'm happy. It's scary, but cool. It's funny that it's harder to write about loving someone than it is to write about wanting to fuck the shit out of Katie Couric. I guess my writing style is skewed but solid. Dammit.

I'm working Friday and Saturday at Montego's: 158th and Division. Call me a pussy there and I'll buy you a drink. Fuckers.

goochout.