I had a stripper tip me tonight by placing a five dollar bill and some ones strategically throughout her outfit and telling me to get the aforementioned bills with my mouth.
This was the most sexual of experiences I've had in, well, a week or so.
Of course I'd had a few drinks so that my face in a girls somewhat bikinid crotch in front of some customers would seem not so personal. I feel that in terms of girls I've dated/touched in the club my love life is private but my sex life is public. I mean, some times in public.
It's the way of our people.
But I have noticed that the dualist existence in which I live often leads to great internal struggles: The battle between Sober Gooch and Drunk Gooch. It's very similar to Goofus and Gallant in Highlights Magazines when we were kids.
Sober Gooch: Dude, you're fat. You don't need a Big Mac at 3am.
Drunk Gooch: "Supersize that shit."
Sober Gooch: My God, you're 32 years-old and that girl is barely 18 years old.
Drunk Gooch: Um... are you going to need a ride to school this morning?
Sober Gooch: That girl clearly has substance abuse problems... you should find her help.
Drunk Gooch: "Hey... I've got some weed at my house."
Sober Gooch: You need to get to bed and get up early tomorrow for work.
Drunk Gooch: I'll wake up late tomorrow and blame it on my Seroquel.
Sober Gooch: I'm not going to kiss you... you have a boyfriend.
Drunk Gooch: Quick... he's not looking.
Sober Gooch: Jack Daniels is good.
Drunk Gooch: Jack Daniels is good.
Sober Gooch: goochout
1 comment:
Sober Nikki: You are a complete idiot.
Drunk Nikki: Yooouuu rr a compleeet ideeot.
Post a Comment