shit.

I should be at Tabor right now, checking out DFiVE9. Instead, I'm here. I'm alternating between watching 1/2 hour segments of television and studying my ass off for a Microsoft test I'm taking on Tuesday. Between rent and the required prepayment for the certification test on Tuesday, I'm also somewhat lacking in mad money. I will probably go to the Head of Lies show tomorrow, because my girlfriend agreed to go already. I'll stick her with the bar bill.

Lessee...

Check out DFiVE9 at Mt. Tabor tonight.

Check out Head of Lies tomorrow night at the Bitter End on west Burnside in Portland.

Check out Perfect in Plastic's new website at www.perfectinplastic.com.

Oh, I redid the site. Whatcha think?

From Cari, as posted in my Guestbook:

Whats up dude....long time no talk....Just coming on to see how you are doing. I found a new band for you to check out....Head Of Lies. They are very good...so yeah...I hope you check them out, and if you do, I hope you like them. I miss ya! Cari - www.headoflies.com

Cari, I'm good friends and a big fan of HOL. The only bumper sticker I have on either of my cars is a Head of Lies sticker. Not because I put it there, but because bassist Delvis put it there. As a matter of fact, I was having drinks last night with Delvis, drummer Ben, and .33333 of HOL management, Millie. Good people, great musicians.

Head of Lies is a great band. Check out their website.

Okay, what's this from:

"Gooch....Gooooooooooch...this is Mohammed Ali....leave my friend Arnold Drummond alone, Gooch!"
KNRK Portland DJ Daria O'Neil in her response to an email I sent last weekend

Once upon a time I was a delivery driver who tortured local radio call-in shows armed with idle driving time, a good cell phone plan, and sick attitude. However, I never messed with KNRK and it's their Gustav and Daria who, I believe, will ultimately do for local music what Jam Magazine almost did (before it was molested, killed, and stuffed into a barrel). - Link: KNRK

Daria O'Neil from KNRK

Ward Weaver demands use of his middle name

Ward Wea-er...Francis Weaver III

OREGON CITY, OR (goochonline) It's a long standing tradition of naming conventions. John Wayne Gacy, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald... the list goes on and Ward Weaver III is hoping to join the ranks of psycho-murderers not only through his actions, but through the use of his middle name.

Ward Francis Weaver III has made an appeal to local and national media outlets to use his middle name when referring to him. In an exclusive interview with GoochOnline through a closed circuit monitor in the isolation cell in the Clackamas County Jail, Weaver stated that "Everyone since Lincoln was shot gets their middle name used. Even my Dad [Ward Francis Weaver, Jr.] gets his middle name mentioned. What about me? What the hell do I have to do to get all three names in print? I'm a murderer and a child molestor."

Weaver is now the prime suspect in the kidnapping and murder of Miranda Gaddis and Ashley Pond, two Oregon City, Oregon teens who lived within a mile of Weaver's home where their bodies were found this week.

The family of Hugh Beaumont, who played Ward Cleaver on television's "Leave it to Beaver," has also urged media outlets to use Weaver's full name to avert any confusion between the child molestor/murderer and the 50s sit-com character.

Charles Manson was unavailable for comment at press time.

The end of the last log is actually an excerpt out of my new parenting book entitled Spare the Rod... Get Me a Shovel.

In other news, I've been dropping quarters galore at Ground Kontrol in southwest Portland into the video game "Punch Out." I've been trying on and off for 15 years and I still can't get pass Kid Quick. Does anyone have any tips?

Kid Quick, taunting me once again. Oh... I'll get him some day.

Happening in my back yard:

CNN: Oregon girl's body found behind neighbor's home

As I write this, it has been confirmed through television reports and through internet news outlets (click link above) that the body discovered yesterday at the Oregon City home of Ward Weaver is, in fact, the remains of Miranda Gaddis. The second set of remains, found under the suspicious concrete slab at Weaver's rental home will undoubtedly be those of Ashley Pond.

Parents: It's important to take the time to explain to your children what has happened and help them in dealing with uneasy feelings. Remind them of the basic safety rules they should already know: Dont talk to strangers; don't accept gifts from strangers; use the "buddy system," etc. Let them know that it's okay to cry.

Out of all this tragedy, there is a way for parents to take advantage of an otherwise tragic situation. When your own children are insubordinate, you can quietly get them to cooperate by simply digging a hole in your own backyard. Place a shovel near your home/apartment's back door then ask your child to clean his or her room. If they refuse, or don't complete the task in what you feel to be a timely manner, start digging a hole. The child may ask why you're digging a hole. Simply say "no reason."

If they make the connection early on, they'll start behaving pretty quickly. If they don't catch on you can start digging at irregular intervals, on the same hole - little bits at a time. If the child doesn't respond, start placing bags of concrete around the hole, put a barrel in the hole and put news clippings about the missing Oregon City girls in a prominent place in your home. Get the other spouse to help you dig or build concrete forms. By this point, your child should respond with a clean room, a mowed lawn, a waxed car, and more. After a short while, you can start filling the hole again - only to be re-dug as needed.