The Love Column (wordle mode)...
http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/517566/The_Love_Column
http://www.wordle.net
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Coach Needed at the 11:11
On site coach needed. Someone willing to sleep on a couch, take on a funny nickname. Must be assertive enough to tell me not to do/eat/say stupid shit. Someone able to remind me that Subway sandwiches are sort of healthy but the Subway Feast sandwich is not. Someone that can remind me to work out more often. Applicants should be assertive enough to remind me constantly that if you think there's bullshit in a relationship or business transaction, there IS bullshit in a relationship or business transaction.
Duties also include taking messages, preparing meals, light debt collection, some clothes and personal items collection, and basic bartending skills.
Candidates should be able to quickly determine who I can, cannot, should, and should not have intercourse with. Must have a valid driver's license in order to drive me when I'm intoxicated (an increasing amount of time from this point forward).
Minorities and midgets are encouraged to apply. There is nothing I want more in life at this moment than to be driven around by a black midget telling me not to fuck someone while I'm eating a Whopper.
Benefits include: High Def television, access to enormous porn and booze collection, comfortable couch, housing, and uniform is provided. Pith hat not provided, but is required.
Cheers.
Duties also include taking messages, preparing meals, light debt collection, some clothes and personal items collection, and basic bartending skills.
Candidates should be able to quickly determine who I can, cannot, should, and should not have intercourse with. Must have a valid driver's license in order to drive me when I'm intoxicated (an increasing amount of time from this point forward).
Minorities and midgets are encouraged to apply. There is nothing I want more in life at this moment than to be driven around by a black midget telling me not to fuck someone while I'm eating a Whopper.
Benefits include: High Def television, access to enormous porn and booze collection, comfortable couch, housing, and uniform is provided. Pith hat not provided, but is required.
Cheers.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Is it okay with you...
...That I don't find Jessica Alba at all attractive? I think she looks like she has some sort of syndrome. Like she could play Corky's cousin on a very special Life Goes On.
O blah di, O blah da, indeed.
out.
Lunch Time...
I found this excerpt regarding the origin of all of the police cars in Blues Brothers that were smashed up in the famous chase scene at the end of the film:
Blues Brothers Interceptor Mashup
Everyone knows the Blues Mobile -- Jake and Elwood's 1974 Dodge Monaco in "The Blues Brothers" movie -- but few know where all the cop cars famously smashed to pieces in the film came from.
Paul Anderson, a journalist in Los Angeles, says it was his dad, also Paul, a Chicago, Illinois, police radio engineer who was tasked with fixing up the Dodge Polaras and Monacos wrecked in the film (with the Chicago city council spurred into action by the possibility of Steven Spielberg and John Landis coming to their city to make a big-budget movie).
He once recounted to Paul: "I just remember one day my boss, the lieutenant who always gave me a hard time, came to me and pointed to the auto graveyard where all the out-of-service squad cars were and said, 'See all those cars? Your job is to get them started.'
I said, 'Are you kidding?'" Paul adds: "[My Dad] had a savant-like ability to rescue beaters from near-death experiences. When the movie came out, he went to see it like everyone else and he could remember each and every one of those cars."
Everyone knows the Blues Mobile -- Jake and Elwood's 1974 Dodge Monaco in "The Blues Brothers" movie -- but few know where all the cop cars famously smashed to pieces in the film came from.
Paul Anderson, a journalist in Los Angeles, says it was his dad, also Paul, a Chicago, Illinois, police radio engineer who was tasked with fixing up the Dodge Polaras and Monacos wrecked in the film (with the Chicago city council spurred into action by the possibility of Steven Spielberg and John Landis coming to their city to make a big-budget movie).
He once recounted to Paul: "I just remember one day my boss, the lieutenant who always gave me a hard time, came to me and pointed to the auto graveyard where all the out-of-service squad cars were and said, 'See all those cars? Your job is to get them started.'
I said, 'Are you kidding?'" Paul adds: "[My Dad] had a savant-like ability to rescue beaters from near-death experiences. When the movie came out, he went to see it like everyone else and he could remember each and every one of those cars."
Morning Wouldn't.
Sheyla Hershey traveled to Brazil to avoid the, ahem, strict medical laws governing silicon injections and got herself 38kkk breasts. That's a world record, for anyone who keeps track of that stuff. Like, well, me.
They should name a highway after her.
goochout
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Gooch: Fall of the Risen
I have no desire to leave my house today. The Outlook Calendar, which serves as somewhat of a guiding force to me, is reminding me that I'm an hour behind schedule.
I said to someone that "this whole week has sucked fucking ass." I was reminded that it was only Tuesday. As of Sunday I have: been dumped(ish) by a girl that I was seeing, ended up in a dump(ster) where I dropped my keys [wouldn't have mentioned the girl, but I liked the parenthetical device with 'dump'], been stiffed for cash, been possibly fucked over by family, I have to disappoint someone by cancelling my performing of their wedding, watched water drip from the ceiling through a leak I thought I'd fixed, and I think my cat hates me because of the work being done on the house.
I drank too much last night at Trivia night at a local bar. It's okay, because we won. My vast gay knowledge of pop music carried us to victory in a game that included categories like: "English Novels" and "World War I." After those two, I thought the next category would be "Shit that Gooch Does Not Know."
It would make sense. It would also be fitting for the FUCKED week I'm having.
goochthefuckout.
UPDATE: I still haven't left the house. I think I have some sort of paranoia thing working against me. It's like, if I leave then it just gives the world another opportunity to fuck me over. I'm here with my unaffectionate cat, cable television, and internet porn. What more do I need?
Oh yeah. Cash.
Cash rules everything around me. CREAM. Get the money. Dollar dollar bills. Y'all.
Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck With.
I said to someone that "this whole week has sucked fucking ass." I was reminded that it was only Tuesday. As of Sunday I have: been dumped(ish) by a girl that I was seeing, ended up in a dump(ster) where I dropped my keys [wouldn't have mentioned the girl, but I liked the parenthetical device with 'dump'], been stiffed for cash, been possibly fucked over by family, I have to disappoint someone by cancelling my performing of their wedding, watched water drip from the ceiling through a leak I thought I'd fixed, and I think my cat hates me because of the work being done on the house.
I drank too much last night at Trivia night at a local bar. It's okay, because we won. My vast gay knowledge of pop music carried us to victory in a game that included categories like: "English Novels" and "World War I." After those two, I thought the next category would be "Shit that Gooch Does Not Know."
It would make sense. It would also be fitting for the FUCKED week I'm having.
goochthefuckout.
UPDATE: I still haven't left the house. I think I have some sort of paranoia thing working against me. It's like, if I leave then it just gives the world another opportunity to fuck me over. I'm here with my unaffectionate cat, cable television, and internet porn. What more do I need?
Oh yeah. Cash.
Cash rules everything around me. CREAM. Get the money. Dollar dollar bills. Y'all.
Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck With.
Gooch: Rise of the Fallen
For the five of you that haven't heard this yet, the Christian Bale meltdown audio (honestly, I listened to it just now for the first time):
Click HERE.
It's so fucking funny to me that nearly halfway through he asks director McG a question calling him, well, McG. It's hard to take him seriously then. It's like when a girl calls me "Gooch" during sex.
McG? What the fuck is that? An Irish letter? I hope to God he doesn't fuck up this new Terminator movie.
Click HERE.
It's so fucking funny to me that nearly halfway through he asks director McG a question calling him, well, McG. It's hard to take him seriously then. It's like when a girl calls me "Gooch" during sex.
McG? What the fuck is that? An Irish letter? I hope to God he doesn't fuck up this new Terminator movie.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Gooch: Musical
Had fun watching the game yesterday. Got a little buzz on at The Agency downtown. It's not really the "Ultra Sports Lounge" that they claim. It's more like a normal bar with $5 beers and a bunch of TVs.
I can't drive the car with the new stereo because the tags expired yesterday and the DEQ is closed today. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
The game yesterday was fantastic, which is good, because I could give a shit about either team.
Michael Phelps gets photographed taking hits from the bong? He's a role model:
The Gooch gets photographed snorting Jello? He's a roll model:
out.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
gooch lives?
I don't really have a post to write, just wanted to write some filler content to keep this site fresh. Like a spring morning.
I got my floors done yesterday. Fake hardwoods abound in the Gooch Compound. I also got a new car stereo because I started to get sick of the cables running along my console. It's completely iPod/digital. No CD player. I also got the installers to resolve my shitty Sirius reception. I'm happy.
Superbowl today. Just an excuse to get fucked up at 3pm on a Sunday?
Youbetcha!
goochout.
I got my floors done yesterday. Fake hardwoods abound in the Gooch Compound. I also got a new car stereo because I started to get sick of the cables running along my console. It's completely iPod/digital. No CD player. I also got the installers to resolve my shitty Sirius reception. I'm happy.
Superbowl today. Just an excuse to get fucked up at 3pm on a Sunday?
Youbetcha!
goochout.