Confidential from Gooch to John Gallucci: QUIT BEING A FUCKING PUSSY.

There. Now if I read my own site, I might get the message.

Had an angry, drunken night last night. Fortunately, I have a Windows 2000 workstation to put together. It's like therapy, perusing HCLs, migrating data, customizing shit. I woke up early... hungover/still drunk, and started in. I'm calming down now. Ready to rock.

QUALITY WORK PERFORMED BY SKILLED, CERTIFIED, HUNGOVER TECHNICIANS.

Correction: It has been brought to our attention that an error was made in the log dated August 6, 2003. "While drinking for twelve hours straight on Saturday" should actually read "While drinking for fourteen hours straight on Saturday." GoochOnline.com regrets the error.

Fo shizzo, my Nizzos.

"Cameron is genuinely paranoid and stressed out about this girl that's stalking him. As his friend, it's my job to exploit that." --My friend Lee, in Idaho.

While in Idaho visiting my friend Lee, I met Cameron with whom Lee hangs out. I also met Deb, Cameron's stalker. She follows him around, asks people about him, mails him letters, etc. Lee and I (while drinking for twelve hours straight on Saturday) wrote love letters, sent flowers, and made prank phone calls in an effort to torment the shit out of this guy. He was really freaking out, and that made us smile. We pranked this guy for twelve hours for no reason other than to see that "oh... fuck" look on his face. "How come the really hot chicks never stalk people?" Cameron asked while holding a rose we had a waitress deliver to him. Juvenile? Yes. Stupid? Probably. However, when you're drunk and in Idaho... it's the right thing to do.

On Monday I was doing cannonballs into a five-foot deep pool, slamming my ass into the bottom of the pool each time. I'm sore as hell. Maybe fat, drunk, and stupid is the way to go through life.

My barbecue skills are on point... I've mastered the hell out of my cheapo gas grill. I get up, grill, eat, sleep, play Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and maybe slang some tech support here and there to pay for it all.

Got a nice email from a girl who liked the latest column (the one about breakups). Between that column and the pictorial of me snorting Jello shots, I've had more people contact me out of the blue. Only when I faked my death did more people contact me (actually my parents) to see if I was still alive.

New hat in the Merch section of the site. It's one of those retro-trucker hats that are so popular now. I couldn't stand them until I saw that all the cool people are wearing them, now I want to wear one.