The Captain of the Staten Island ferry that crashed today tried to kill himself with razor blades and a BB gun? That totally reminds me of a friend of mine who tried to kill himself with fluoride pills.

True story, unfortunately. I still laugh at him for it, 15 years later.

I promised to give someone a computer and two nights before I was to deliver said computer, it crapped out. What the fuck? Now I'm scrambling through my computer graveyard for another Pentium II (Pentium IIIs are reserved only for those who have performed fellatio on me. You don't want to ask about the Pentium IVs) and what's cool (or sad, depending on your view of geeks with offices filled with computers) is I found one. Sweet!

I now have Five (5) neon signs up in the office. Now I'll feel more natural when I drink while I work. I'll put on my bouncer shirt and if a customer gives me shit, I'll throw him down the fucking stairs. Unless he or she is bigger than me, then I'll crawl under my work table and cry until they leave. Then I'll do the honorable thing and put a BB gun in my mouth. What happened to going down with the ship? Anyway, it's a strange world out there.

Feng Shui? Feng Shit.

I've recently gotten the urge to start making improvements on the condo. All the 70s era overhead lights have been replaced with brushed nickel fixtures. Holy shit, brushed nickel is sexy as fuck. I got a sweet deal on a hanging light fixture for over the kitchen table. It's in and it's on. I turned the wrong breaker off at one point and unwittingly jammed an all metal screwdriver into a wire-release in a light switch and CHRIST, that sucked. I think the thing about my house is that no matter what I do to it, it'll always look like I live there. Bottles of booze, tacky movie memorabilia, a television mounted on the wall of my bedroom, and neon beer signs in the office. The TV on the bedroom wall makes my bedroom look like some hospital room. Chicks LOVE to tell me that. One girl told me to get a Craftmatic adjustable bed to complete the hospital theme. They're so cute at seventeen.

Rush Limbaugh is addicted to pain-killers? How liberal of him. I've been living on a diet of Viagra, whisky, Diet Coke, and Xanax for eleven months. I'm not blaming anyone. Although, it's amazing how easy it is to get prescription pills over the internet. I've done it. A little disturbing. Heading for the coast tomorrow. Very excited. It's nice to go on a vacation, even though my life closely resembles most people's vacations. Gotta go; I've got to get up at 11am tomorrow.