How the Gooch Stole Christmas...

Just finished watching "Funny People" with Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen. I liked it so much more than I thought I would. I'm not into stand up comedians as actual people so much. I've noticed that semi-famous people (local comedians, newscasters, radio DJs) have a twisted desire... no - need, to draw attention to themselves at all times. Being loud and obnoxious in an effort to get as many tables to stare at you at a decent restaurant makes you an incredible asshole.

I'm guilty of some of this behavior, but it's usually only because I'm insecure in any social situation and often stay quiet until someone says something that I have a funny retort, and by that I mean one that I'm 99% sure people will laugh at, then I say it without making eye contact with anyone. That's my move. That's how I stay relevant to a social situation without monopolizing it.

That, and copious amounts of booze.

I've also had people say that I should be a stand up comedian, which clinched the decision never to try it. Everyone knows that the Asshole Mantra is (usually after someone laughs at his joke, and I mean 'his' because this only gets said to men) "a lot of people tell me I should be a stand up comedian." I can't be lumped in with that group. I can't be lumped in with a group of people that rehash a shitty Leno bit at the water cooler and think that they should hit an open mic. I have enough going against me, I can't throw that shit show into the mix.

So, I survived a Christmas while being single. I've always at least had someone that I was dating, this time not so much. It's cool; I saved some cash on presents this year. They say that being single during the holidays is hard for a lot of people. Yeah, I survived Christmas only to have Valentine's day to look forward to. New Years' is cool, because despite my inability to get laid throughout the year, I usually find a decent looking drunk chick to make out with at whatever bar I'm slumming in at the strike of 12.

Podcast coming soon... I can feel it. I'm looking at my notes now on the other monitor.

Back to the gym. I've developed some bad eating/not working out habits over the last week. I'd swear I woke up drunk on a couch while in mid bite of a slice of pizza. I bet Weight Watchers does not address that sort of situation in their meetings.

JG

Where'd this come from?

I had a bit of a bender weekend and I think I updated my Facebook while inebriated. I found this in my "favorite quote:"

Whatever doesn't kill you didn't try hard enough.

I... I think that's funny. I mean, not hilarious; but a fun play on my favorite quote. Heh.

Off to work early.

goochout.

The Princess and the Gooch

From Twitter:

Oh, 2009... Your thirst for celebrity blood has proven unquenchable

From Facebook:

Brittany Murphy was "sick and vomiting" right before her death, so it's safe to assume she'd recently watched "Just Married." Her husband requested that an autopsy NOT be done on his 32 year old, otherwise healthy wife. If he needs to borrow the "Ways to Not Act Suspicious" handbook, I'm sure I have a few copies laying around.

I really need to just make it through the week. Been a little depressed and maybe acting out with the booze a little. And by "a little" I mean "holy fucking shit what the fuck was last Saturday about?" I'm like a tragic cartoon: Fun to watch, but still depressing. I'm sure that if I had some Tylenol PMs and a bottle and a garage and a running car with a full tank of gas, I wouldn't be around to almost kill myself like on NYE last year. Should just do it on my own terms... be a lot safer. Nah... I have too many people left to piss off before I meet some unexpected untimely demise.

I have a podcast brewing, should be up before the end of the year. I hate that you can buy two identical items of clothing from Old Navy in the same size and have them fit entirely different. Need I try on every piece of clothing I purchase? Damn. Last weekend was also a food bender as well. Have to try to shore that up this week as well. I'm getting sick of measuring what I eat. It's a necessary evil, I guess, in order to look like this.

Out