I'm thinking about writing a porn movie... but not just a sex porn movie. It'd me more like a relationship porn movie... sex wouldn't necessarily be involved. Here's some of the female character's script from my ideal relationship porn movie:
"I rented the Star Wars Trilogy... you know how much I love Star Wars."
"Honey, I won tickets to the gun show next weekend."
"I got a job as a security guard from 11pm to 7am, so after we have sex, I'll go to work and still be home in time to make you breakfast. Besides, I don't know how you're going to support your strip club habit on one income alone."
The Greatest Story Ever Told:I was at a birthday dinner one evening when the guy sitting next to me started telling a story. I can't completely recapture the moment of my hearing this story, but I'll try. This is how it was told to me:
"So this guy I worked with used to be a minor league baseball player. After the games, the players would go out to a bar, get drunk, then pass out in their hotel rooms. One night, this guy is out at a bar after a game and meets this chick. They start talking and he gets her to go back to his hotel room. They get back there and start making out. Things start rounding third base and the girl stops him and says:
'Can we go straight to anal sex?' [I guess that'd be another line to insert into my relationship porn movie above]
The guy says yeah and soon she's taking it like an altar boy until the ball player goes for a courtesy 'reach-around' and finds what was referred to simply as 'the full hog.'
'Oh my God... you're a guy...' the ball player stammered.
'Yeah, the apparent cross-dresser admitted.'
'So what did you do then,' I asked. He told me that he was about ready to come anyway so he finished off and then asked him to leave."
"He finished off?" I asked between drinks.
"Yep" the story teller said.
I ask you, the reader: Is it gay for a guy to "finish off" in a guy if you know it's a guy? i mean, if you think it's a girl it's not gay. However, once you know you're banging a guy and are able to keep an erection in the process... that seems gay to me. I'm about to darken some trouble spots in my beard and I think that's gay, but it's not necessarily a gay act. I went candle shopping for my house... gay but doesn't make me gay. I mean, when you tally all of the people you've had sex with, would you count the one that ended up actually being a guy? Do you get a half notch for that one, or do you even lose a notch? If there's any moral to the story, it's to do a reacharound WAY earlier in the act.