GOOCH: Photo Flashback!

1995: THE BIRTH OF "BIG PERM." I GOT A PERM FOR MY BIRTHDAY ONE YEAR. IT WAS QUITE THE DEPARTURE FROM THE "NUMBER ONE CLIPPER ON THE SIDES AND BACK; LONG ENOUGH TO COMB OVER ON TOP" HAIRCUT THAT I HAD SINCE HIGH SCHOOL (THE CUT THAT I CURRENTLY SPORT). I DIDN'T GET LAID ONCE WITH THAT PERM. THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER ABOUT IT. IT WAS A $40 PROPHYLACTIC.

GOOCH: Flashback!

I got reviewed by Net Surfer Digest in December of 2000. Here's a reprint:

The Gooch
John "Gooch" Gallucci is a journalist/columnist. He uses his Web site as a forum for his daily rants and to archive almost all his published work. His discussion is lively, with some gossip and shameless slurring and the odd pitching of ideas such as his gay version of "Survivor" called "The Real Gay World". You can even hire him to get your band/event up and pumping. All things considered, the site is considerably more entertaining than you'd expect from someone who willingly uses the nickname "Gooch".

I BRING YOU CONTENT!

Okay, they're not the best pictures, but I happened to grab a disposable camera on my way to the Maxim/Bud Light party at the Crystal Ballroom last night and took some pictures. I didn't capture the magnitude of this kickass event, but I post them for your perusal. Click on PICS in the menu to access my scans.

HEY, LOOK: FIVE BIG BOOBS.

IF MONICA BELLUCCI AND I GOT MARRIED AND SHE HYPHENATED HER NAME,
SHE'D BE MONICA BELLUCCI-GALLUCCI.
SHE'D ALSO HAVE TO BE REALLY DRUNK.

In the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king.

- Unknown philosopher

In a 3-D movie, the man with one eye is fucked.

- John "Gooch" Gallucci
Baghdad liberated? I hope to God that 7-11 Convenience Stores put in a bunch of franchises and staff them with white people who don't speak a lick of Arab. Can you imagine a bunch of Arab guys sucking on slurpees bitching about how all "these foreigners come to our country and don't bother to learn the language?" Good times.

This blog is brought to you by Ephedrine. Ephedrine - When you're too broke to buy cocaine.

IF YOU CAN READ THIS THEN THE LIGHTNING STORM DIDN'T FUCK ME LAST NIGHT. There's nothing more frightning than looking at lightning outside and consumer level APC uninterruptible power supplies inside. There's even word of a tornado in Portland's West Hills. You know in Everclear's song I Will Buy You a New Life when he sings "I will buy you a big house/way up in the West Hills?" That's where he's talking about: the rich side of town in Portland. The West Hills of Portland and Troutdale (where I live) are the two most exclusive places in Multnomah County to live. A lot of people don't know that.

Coming soon... Gooch photo flashbacks!

ANNA NICOLE SMITH, CIRCA 1994. I OWNED THE ANNA NICOLE SMITH CALENDAR FOR THAT YEAR. IT WAS ONLY A 12-MONTH CALENDAR, BUT I USED IT FOR AT LEAST 36-38 MONTHS. I THINK THAT THE ANNA NICOLE SMITH SHOW DEBUTED ABOUT 10-YEARS TOO LATE. WHO WOULDN'T HAVE WATCHED IT, THEN? TEN YEARS AGO, THE "GEEZER TEASER" WAS THE ANTI SUPERMODEL, AND I BOUGHT INTO IT, BABY. GET ME THE NUMBER FOR TIFFANI AMBER THEISSEN.

I managed to catch the Hitchcockian Phone Booth on Sunday. In a nutshell: Colin Farrell plays a shady publicist who lies to everyone including his friends, cheats on his wife, and not nice to people in general. He's not a murderer or anything, just an immoral, unethical creep. Because of this, a sniper stalks Stu Shepard (Farrell) long enough to know exactly when he goes into a phone booth every day to call his girlfriend. Trapped in a phone booth and communicating with his "captor," a sniper in one of countless windows overhead, Stu Shepard is forced to admit all of his "sins" to his wife, girlfriend, and the public who have all gathered to watch the police spectacle.

So leading an immoral and unethical life is grounds to have a stalker hold you captive in a phone booth? Twelve hours prior to watching the film, I was in a private room trying to stick my tongue up some stripper's ass. While watching the movie I was sitting next to my ex-girlfriend with whom I tried to cheat on a prior ex-girlfriend. I stole cable, and I haven't bought a piece of software or a CD in three years. After watching Phone Booth, there's no fucking way I'm going to go into a phone booth ever again.

Bumper Sticker of the Week: I'm hung as Einstein and smart like a horse.

Swatch Update: As you've heard me bitch lately, my Swatch with a new battery hasn't been keeping the best of time. Turns out that the Swatch Store got a bad batch of batteries and my new one was indeed DOA. Got a new battery and it's been accurate for the last hour-and-a-half.