Here's the new Britney Spears video. In the video she portrays a stripper as well as a patron at a strip club (the distinction being the outfit and the hair color). The video is obviously an allegorical study into Ms. Spears dualist existence as a club goer and a slut. If I begged and pleaded, I could maybe get her a shift at Montego's, where I sometimes DJ. She'd be the kind of stripper that bitches about what order I play her songs. I threw baby wipes (the ad-hoc shower of choice by strippers around the world) at the screen the entire time I watched the video. She keeps saying "Gimme More," I was just assuming she wanted a cleansing product. You know, because she's dirty. She should make a video of her taking care of her kids. It's pretty much what the entire world is craving from her at this point. More clothes, less Jack in the Box, more parenting, less Jack Daniels, more underwear, less driving.


Aww... remember when it was okay to jerk off to a 17-year-old?

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back problems, man.

I've been told that I remind people of Seth (Jonah Hill) in "Superbad." Someone told my girlfriend that she and I reminded her of Doug and Carrie from "King of Queens."



Because, you know, I'm funny like Kevin James. That's how my GF explained it to me. It's not because the show is about a fat dude with a hot wife. Which is what "According to Jim" is about. Which is what every sitcom on CBS is about. It's because I'm funny. That's it (girls snickering while martini glasses clink). If anyone knows of any other fat celebrities I remind them of, feel free to let me know. John Candy? Raymond Burr? Go ahead and push the bottle closer to my mouth.

Speaking of drinking to excess, I'm going to Reno this weekend for the Eldorado Italian Festival. Should be fun as always. I'll try to keep the blood alcohol level in the single digits.


Hayden Pannetierre is a hot chick. That's cool. She knows she's a hot chick, that's not cool. She's a chick that knows she's a hot chick and then acts like she doesn't think she is a hot chick. That's really uncool. I guess I'd need a hot chick that doesn't think she's a hot chick. I'd need a hot blind chick. Like Laura Dern in Mask.

Except, um... hot.

goochthefuckout

What's up, Lee?

This morning, like a mad scientist, I worked and worked until I modified a router to act like one of those hotel/coffee shop wireless access points. I didn't do anything requiring much intelligence, except for googling the shit out of the project. I still have to check my security p's and q's before I unleash it to customers. When you attempt to access my wireless connection, you get this page: GATEWAY SPLASH PAGE.

This is fun, click HERE for a funny video.

In the last post, I noted that my remote control's batteries were dead. Turns out that wasn't the case. A red neon sign recently installed in my office was interfering with the infrared signal on the remote. That could have taken me minutes or weeks to figure out. Glad it was minutes.

gotta go to work.

goochout.

I'm in hell.

I know what hell is, and I'm in it. I'll list my argument as to why I know this:

1: I'm paying bills.
2: The movie "Mannequin" is on TV.
3: The remote control batteries are dead and the cable box has no manual channel controls.

Movies from the 80s suck. According to 80s movies, dancing around in a trenchcoat and sunglasses is cool. The mere act of wearing sunglasses makes you suddenly hip and cool. Tom Cruise in Risky Business comes to mind. Too bad for him, sunglasses don't make you sane. Or straight.

And was there some film maker's code stating that every movie made in the 80s had to have a music video styled montage? This is only cool if it happens during a Rocky movie. That's it. That's the rules.

So I'm forced to watch or hear Mannequin starring Kim Cattrall. The movie was made in 1987, so that makes her about 45 when it was filmed.

Happy Birthday, YMike.

goochout