Fuck. I'm tired. Can't sleep. I'm about to crash, but started typing this blog, so sleep cannot occur. I'm typing this on my television, as my office is undergoing remodeling. That's fancy talk for "I cant climb over the shit to get to my laptop." I didn't return my Mom's or my ex girlfriend's calls tonight. They'll probably think it was some snub to them... I just didn't have the phone with me because the battery was dead.

Working tomorrow night.... I mean tonight at Montego's. I had a plan for a cool night, but Friday sneaked up on me. It'll be the same shit as before, but it's always a good time.

I hope this blog isn't boring you as much as it is me, because I'm about to fall asleep on my keyboard.

If Obama won more of the primaries, Artie Lange would have said: "I haven't seen a black man beat white woman that bad since OJ and Nicole."

That's funny to me.

Any ideas for Gregster's bachelor party... sans strippers? I have some ideas, but anything outside of... ahem... the box is greatly appreciated. It's my first "best man" task. Oh.... I've thrown bachelor parties and performed weddings. Just haven't been officially responsible for the bachelor party. Trust me... unoffically responsible is a lot more fun.

gooch... out.

Ellipses... apparently... in.

My friend is participating in the March for Babies. Donate, please.

This just in: AOL: Airborne Supplement is Bullshit!
This just in: CNN: Creator of Dungeons and Dragons Dies

So Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons passed away at 69. This man out did the Catholic Church when it came to helping teenage boys preserve their virginity. Nothing dries up a girl faster than the sight of 20-sided die or a dude that calls himself a "DM." If Gygax was Muslim, he's probably been greeted by 72 virgins. What he didn't know was that it would be a bunch of high school boys that played D&D in the hallway during lunch.

******

I'm working this Friday at Montego's.

******

Are we even trying to pretend that reality shows are, in fact, reality? We wouldn't really watch vapid d-list celebrities go through a poorly scripted and staged life and call it amusement, right?

The Kardashian reality show (note that I don't even bother to look up the exact title) had an episode where a nanny was hired to help burn-victim-intheface-esque Olympic star Bruce Jenner with the kids. Or some shit like that. Anyway, the family discovers that the nanny dresses like a slut and it causes some chaos and almost a rift between the matriarch and Jenner.

The "nanny" they hired is a goddamned porn star named Bree Olson. So... what's the point? How contrived could the producers get that they have to create such stupid situations so the viewers can watch and see what happens? Stupid.

On a side note... Bree Olson is coming to Salem, Oregon this weekend to visit me (violating a restraining order I have against her). She's visiting a porn store to sign autographs.

Here's the clip from Kardashian's reality show:

Bareback Mountin' is the name of my next porn film. It's a multi location shoot; 1st unit will be in my bedroom, 2nd unit will be in my living room. It'll be tough marketing a straight porn movie with a title ripped from a really gay movie. I guess the marketing team will take care of that. I have to start interviewing midget wranglers. I had to fire the last one during the filming of Black Cock Down. I'm also working with OJ Simpson to cameo in a few episodes of my epic sports-porn series Fist and 10.

Busy times in the handicam porn industry, I suppose.

(I guess this is a glimpse into what my brain works on at 6am on a Sunday. A bit odd, I would say. Hey... why is this sentence in parentheses? It's just as important as the other sentences. Let me out! If I had a quoted statement, would that relieve me of this parenthetical bastille? "Four Score and..." son of a bitch! let me out of this. Alright then... racist!).

(goochout)


Fist and 10?