I trust you slept well...

This chick, Lauren Pope, is a DJ.

?

Just got done with a mediocre workout at the gym. I'm performing my cousin's wedding tomorrow. Rehearsal tonight. I'm sorta prepared. Working at an office today; playing whack-a-mole with desktop support issues. Should be fun as always.

"Now it's like any asshole with a computer and Windows Media Player is passing themselves off as a DJ." - A strip club DJ talking to me at a barbecue, unwittingly describing my entire DJing career.

I have to go to work. This site, Facebook, all fun sites are blocked there. Should be nice.

goochout.

Miss White Trash 2001 - UPDATE

So young. So full of ambition. And tongue. Yes, tongue makes this picture work.

In 2001, I wrote an article about an event at the Ash Street Saloon. It was hosted by the band Jesus Presley and called the "Miss White Trash Pageant." The winner of the pageant was a girl named Laura.

I've maintained a friendship with Laura over the years and I touched base with her recently. She told me that "Jerry Springer Show" producers called her recently to guest on an upcoming show with a "white trash" theme (what a departure from their usual programming). She declined, stating that it was "eight years ago" and not really "who I am now."

She's still a chick I want to bang, and she's still a chick that won't let me bang her. As you see, some things have stayed the same in eight years.

She told me that she lost my article that I wrote some eight years ago. Here it is, a Gooch Classic:

MWT2K1: A Love Story

A glimpse into the inside of a uterus.

Apparently they've combined sorcery and radiation to invent 4D ultrasounds of babies.

When did this technology come into play? I've been too busy fighting paternity suits and simulating the baby making process to actually think about the gestation/birth of the little bastards (or the technology involved in seeing them before they're born).

So on Facebook (on which I'm a full fledged update-posting douchey member), my friend posted a picture of 4D (I would have called it '3D' as 4th dimension clearly denotes time travel [full disclosure: I suck at math]) ultrasound of her baby. Holy shit! I mean, he looks like that dancing baby from the 90s, but more realistic.

They should make a cartoon called "SuperFetus." His weapon would be an attached umbilical cord (but disconnected from the Mother, that's what makes him 'super') that he uses as a whip and his arch nemesis would be "CoatHanger Man."

Gooch:Out.

Another Manic (Depressive) Monday.

No desire to go to the gym this morning. The air conditioning was on last night; took a shower in my own bathroom today. The wine fridge overheated last night. I'm not sure if the cat is digging on the heat all that much. I got to see my sister this weekend; I love and miss her and her family. She hates this site. Especially since I used it to fake my death. I just had a tequila craving. Jesus. I hope they find that AirFrance plane safe; it's unlikely at this point. I have NO jobs scheduled for today. I should do my billing/banking. I think I'll go do some work and get done early. Maybe the pool will be open. I've loaded the iPod with a ton of new songs: Green Day and Depeche Mode's new albums among them. Bummed I had to miss the Grigonis wedding. I didn't show up and I did send a gift, which is all any newly married couple could ever hope for. Sometimes I drink to much at weddings. Sometimes I drink too much on Tuesdays. Whatever. I'm a star. A bright, shiny star. Sometimes I stop to ask: What Would Tony Montana Do? Finished watching "Burn After Reading" this morning. Funny stuff, and I love every actor in it. Even the guy that played "Sledgehammer" in the 80s. I'm off to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comforted. Where's my cape? My home computer is sort of jacked. Where's my Windows Bar? I'm going to shop for a netbook today. If I get one I'll finally have an excuse to use my cute new Kenneth Cole bag. No... you're a fag. Caffeine is liquid ambition and I, my friends, am a quart low. Mama say, mama saw, ma ma cu saw. Today's high? - 86 degrees. Today's low? - This post.

Ha.

Paragraphs:Fuck 'em

gooch:out