Monday, August 10, 2009

Kate Gosselin is a Fucking Puke.


I tried to watch a Kate Gosselin interview on the Today Show a couple days ago. The phony tears, manufactured smile, scripted answers (you can tell they're scripted when they don't actually answer the question asked). I had to change the channel.

Reality TV used to be cool when it reflected, you know, reality. Even if it was people reacting to an artificial environment, at least there was some genuine glimpse into human nature.
Now it's all bullshit. Reality TV is like a cancer spreading throughout modern television. The Learning Channel is now "TLC," MTV no longer refers to itself as "Music Television," other cable channels are hopping on the reality show bandwagon with the most obscure couples and their antics. Style Network has "Giuliana and Bill?" Giuliana DePandi, an anchor on E! used to refer to herself simply as "Giuliana." Here's another fucked up part about entertainment: EVERYONE THINKS THEY'RE A CELEBRITY. Just because you're on TV does NOT mean you're meant to be famous and have a reality show.
It's offensive to me. It's offensive to me in the same way that a stripper can be offensive to me. I no longer can sit at the rack. Not because I have an aversion to seeing vag up close. No... because in my stupid neurotic head I don't want a stripper to think that I think that she wants to fuck me. Reality TV is presented to the audience as reality when it is more manufactured and scripted than some genuine sitcoms that rely on spontaneity and ad libbing (Curb Your Enthusiasm) as a comedic device.

Self manufactured celebrity creeps into all aspects of life. I was mortified one day. I was sitting in the Portland State University (my alma mater) commons waiting for a line at the ATM to die down. It was Halloween time and the back page of the Vanguard (the school newspaper) had full size pictures of the faces of the two editors. The eyes and mouths were dotted with instructions to cut them out of the paper (as well as the outline of their heads) and ultimately you'd have a Halloween mask of their faces. Because the students at PSU give enough of a shit about the editors at the school paper.

You see, the two editors of the Vanguard are somewhat public figures. You see, because their names are in a paper read by (ahem) a couple thousand people, they deem themselves as personalities. Characters, if you will, that the general public thinks about when they're eating at Smith Center and they can't find a copy of ANY OTHER NEWSPAPER and the Vanguard is all that's available.

This was a few years ago, but my point is that we're in a culture that has spawned a generation of "look at me" motherfuckers. Jon and Kate had a bunch of kids and got a reality show... "Octomom" Nadya Suleman had kids specifically to get a reality show (Fox, of course took the bait and is doing a documentary of some sort). Giulana DePandi (the E! News anchor) reads the news and starfucked her way into a reality show. Local network news pimps their weathermen as some sort of personality that should make me want to tune in. I hate it. Whenever someone on local or national news tries to do something cute in an effort to draw me in... I can't grab for the remote fast enough. Please: Read the news, predict the weather, and edit the fucking newspaper. You're not celebrities. You do not have jobs that were meant to be "celebrated."

[sort of a raw, unedited post. I didn't feel like going through it again... sort of a purge through the keyboard and onto your monitor. And face. I'll get you a towel.]