Portland, Oregon police officer indicted

Portland officer Gina Hoesly and me, circa 2001. Note my beard with the simulated chin line.

Gina Hoesly's appearance on the Bad Pig Girls calender in Sept. 2000. The irony is fucking killing me.

I've been senselessly regurgitating the news for the last week and this item hits home in a shitty sort of way. I don't know Gina very well, but we have a lot of mutual friends. We can all take comfort in the fact that I know from first-hand experience (as a crime victim) that the Multnomah County District Attorney's office can't prosecute their way out of a paper fucking bag.

For more information, see the KGW story HERE

(this website is not associated with anyone named mark kroeker, the portland police, the Vatican, or good taste).

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (CNN) -- Police in Salt Lake City on Wednesday released the name of a man wanted for questioning in the abduction of 14-year-old Elizabeth Smart.

Police said Michael Edmunds, 26, was spotted in Smart's neighborhood sometime a day before the kidnapping, driving a green car. A milk man, Charlie Miller, gave police a partial license plate number

A milk man? What the hell is that? Milk men haven't existed since the seventies, I thought. If this neighborhood has milk men, then maybe they're questioning the wrong guy. Perhaps Greg fucking Brady should be picked up for questioning... Sam the butcher? I don't want to even go to this neighborhood... milk men and kidnappers. Read the story on CNN.com. I think it makes sense that a transient with criminal warrants for fraud and assault would escalate right up there to kidnapping. It's a natural progression... float bad checks, break into a house and kidnap a kid. This story is making absolutely no sense at all.

If I haven't responded to yesterday's email, it's merely because I really want to cut off all ties with the outside world.

Just kidding, I really fucked myself out of email yesterday. Fortunately, I was able to half-ass my way back to getting obnoxious amounts of spam. Oh, look... it's only 2am.

< I should be sleeping... but look - I'm aiming a red light at my face and taking pictures of myself with my webcam. Like a real douchebag.

It's a problem that's plagued me and my friends since high school. I'm just glad that we have an administration willing to implement a zero tolerance policy.

No more dirty bongs!

Meet my God:

Phil Hendrie - The funniest radio show host... ever www.philhendrieshow.com

BREAKING NEWS...

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The FBI confirms former Gambino crime boss John Gotti has died at the federal prison at the U.S. medical center for federal prisoners in Springfield, Missouri, where he was being treated for cancerous lesions on the tongue, neck and ears. He was 61.


By murdering his way to the top of one of the nation's most powerful mob families, Gotti became a legend, respected and feared by many.

He was the last of the classic gangsters, a Mafia chief who broke all the rules, reveled in the public spotlight and, at least for a while, seemed untouchable with his multimillion dollar illegal operation that thrived on prostitution, extortion, gambling, theft and drugs.

Hospitals brace for 9/11 Baby Boom

Let me try to understand...

"My God... someone just flew two jets into the World Trade Center buildings! This is the worst foreign attack on US soil ever!"

"Wow, this sucks. Wanna fuck?"

"Um, okay."

SEX? I couldn't even jerk off until September 14th or so. I was too busy watching 24 hour coverage of the events. Watching the coverage and drinking my ass off. People deciding to have kids the moment the US comes under attack is pretty weird to me. The days after the attack should have been spent only one way: Overeating and watching copious amounts of television news.

I just watched one of the old trailers for Episode II. Obi-Wan has no beard in the trailer; Christopher Walken is featured and in the credits, but not in the final cut, apparently.