That time of year... again.

gooch & q-ball, early 2008


Last night was the celebration of Ryan "Q-Ball" White's birthday. He's called "Q-Ball" because of his bald head. I knew him back when we were seven-year-olds, and we just called him a "prick" (pretty advanced language for seven-year-olds... heh.)

Ryan's birthday is one of those events where everyone from the old neighborhood gets together. We all see each other get older, balder, and fatter in one year increments. We all drink too much and talk about how we should get together more often, but never do. It's always a good time, however - even if it's once a year.

I had to bail out early so that I could get up this morning to go to work at a computer shop downtown. I stayed at a girl's house close to where I'd be working, but my drunken logic didn't take into account the need for a shower and to feed/care for the cat. So I've driven 40 miles (Tigard to Troutdale to downtown) before I started earning a paycheck this morning. My entire morning was planned some time around midnight last night by my vodka soaked penis.

I gave a toast last night for Ryan while we were at Montego's. Neither he or our friends heard it, but the seven strangers close to the DJ booth did, and they laughed. Thank God. Transcript available on request. Except for Ryan, because he should have heard it the first time.

That prick.

Heh, just like old times.

Happy Birthday, Ryan.

gooch:out.

The Gooch. The Gooch. The Gooch is on Fire.

I've got nothing to write about today. Contemplating purchasing a new Swatch to replace the one I had stolen two years ago. Need to be in better shape for soccer. Need to pay attention to my other customers. Dating is going well. I've met some nice women with whom I'll end up having awkard friendships with down the road. My goal is to be a pain in the ass of anyone they date after me.

Working with Gregster. Next on the agenda: Lunch. The most important meal of the day.


goochout.

Morning Wood...

I apparently forgot to set my alarm clock in the bedroom back. I don't use the alarm, rather I rely on anxiety, fear, hangover induced headache/nausea, and depression to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning. I should have known it wasn't quite 5:30 when my penis wasn't at it's fully priapismatic erect 2.5 inches. My penis gets up around 5:30 every morning. I myself prefer 6:00 as the time to start my day. It's an ongoing struggle.





I saw it was 6am and I got up, started to get ready. I started to check my email and... it's 5:20. Fuck.





I thought John McCain's concession speech was excellent. The text of it is on Meghan McCain's website: McCainBlogette.com





goochout.

McCain Wins*

*A little known election (as opposed to the little known erection... heh) occured in my pants and Meghan McCain came out the victor.

The actual election? It's tough, because I'm trying to have sex with more Republican chicks these days, so I'll stay neutral on this site. Who'd I vote for? I voted for change!

Heh.

gooch:out

Apparently there is a feature on Dish DVR systems that have a Tivo-ish "skip forward" button that bumps ahead 30 seconds to allow you to easily skip commercials.

I was searching for codes for my Comcast remote and I found this trick.

I tried this out and tested it (on someone else's remote, I'm not stupid) and it works.

Check it out:

1. Press the "cable" button at the top of the remote to put it into Cable Box control mode.

2. Press and hold the "Setup" button until the "Cable" button blinks twice.

3. Type in the code 994. The "Cable" button will blink twice.

4. Press (do not hold) the "Setup" button.

5. Type in the code 00173 for the 30 second skip.

6. Press whatever button on the remote you want to map the skip function to. (I used the "A - lock button).

7. Try it. It changed my life.

******

John McCain says "Mac is back!"

Barack Obama should get up on the podium at a rally and say "Black is back!" God, that would be sweet.

It'd be funny as hell if Barack Obama won the election, then got really, really black. How hilarious would it be if Obama put spinners on the presidential limo, made Air Force One looks like Soul Plane, divorced Michelle and married a white chick, put a Scarface poster in the oval office, and put together a group of political advisors consisting of Chuck D., Ice Cube, MC Lyte, and KRS-1?

Next time I get on a bus, I'm moving straight to the back.

"You crackers can call me Payback Barack!" President Elect Barack Obama, 11/5/2008

gooch:out




MC Lyte? is she really political? I mean... why her and not, say, Lady of Rage?

I don't know, I wrote it kind of hastily, so MC Lyte was the first female rapper that popped in my head.

And why didn't you put the (moderately) funny yet (questionably) racist bit at the beginning of this post. Are you really trying to appeal to your three readers that subscribe to Comcast?

I just thought it was cool. I guess I could have made that the secondary post.

You should spend more time on this site. What, one post a day at most and not even a lot of pictures? You don't get laid enough to justify this kind of neglect.

I do go on dates...

Fuck that. Go back to the strippers and give yourself some real shit to write about. Your sluttiness has always improved your subject matter. You're boring these days. I mean, when's the last time someone threatened to kill you?

It's been a while...

Whatever. God bestowed upon you a decent sense of humor and a fantastic ability to type. You are slapping God in the face by not paying more attention to this site.

I'll try...

No! Do or do not, there is no try.

Who the fuck are you, Yoda?

Actually, I got it from my horoscope a couple weeks ago.

Wait, are you an Aries? So am I.

Of course, you idiot. I am you.

If you're me, then why are you constantly giving me shit for everything?

Because you suck. I'm the part of your brain that acknowledges this fact.

I could do without you...

No, you need me.

I'm not comfortable with this conversation.

Then quit typing, moron.

...The name calling needs to stop.

Then, again, stop typing.

Okay. Gooch:Out

Me:Too

Ugh.

hey, how's it going?