Monday, July 19, 2010

The Twilight Saga: Gooch

Mel Gibson Fans:

I moved my workbench into the home office. I read in Macworld (my first mistake) about people working at desks while standing up in an effort to burn calories of some shit. Some people even have treadmills so they can walk a mile an hour while working. I left the workbench in its stand up configuration. My verdict?

Fuck that. You see, I'm all about nonverbal overreactions. I wear glasses less for seeing and more for the ability to pull my glasses off in a dramatic fashion in response to something someone says or does. Check it out:

"If you're here, and I'm here, then who's flying the plane?"

Now with glasses:

"If you're here, and I'm here, [whips off eyeglasses with one swiping movement of his hand across his face] then who's flying the plane?"

Oh my God! Did you see the drama? Did you see the difference?

My point: standing at my desk has robbed me of my ability to lean back into my highback leather chair and yell out "fuck." When something pisses me off via my computer, what can I do while standing up? Jump up and down? Breakdance? I need the lean back motion as a part of my overreactionary repertoire.

Also, standing up at the computer completely ruins the fundamental ergonomics required for internet porn.

"Oh no he Di-ent"

"Robin Quivers' [vagina] is like the first 10 minutes of a movie: It's never been seen by a black man." - Lisa Lampanelli