If you're having sex and your phone rings, when do you check to see who has called. During a one-night-stand I actually looked at the caller ID during coitus because I was waiting for a call. If it's someone you have true feelings for like a girlfriend, wife, or that trainer from the gym... what's the etiquette for reaching over and checking who called?

I'm barbecuing every goddamned meal I've eaten the last couple of days. Peep this monster on my patio:



I should just stay home tonight. I'll probably go out. I crave attention from random people in an effort for validation.

GOOCH:pathetic.

Mitch Hedberg: 1968-2005 One of the funniest comedians ever. A true original even if in the vein of Steven Wright's style of non-sequitur observational comedy. I'm truly bummed that he passed away. News article... click HERE

Johnnie Cochran: 1937-2005 - Not since Harriet Tubman has a person led more black people to freedom. Do you think that when Cochran get to (ahem) Heaven he'll run into Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman and have a really fucking awkward moment?

Terry Schiavo: 1963-2005 - A normal brain looks like a cauliflower, her brain looked like a cauliflower left in the sun for a week. She didn't have any idea what was going on. I'm guessing the doctors that stated that Schiavo's responses to outside stumuli were somewhat random brain synapses and not true awareness of the world around her were probably right. She had the Bushes on her side, claiming that all life is precious. Doesn't Texas and Florida have and exercise with regularity the death penalty? Didn't Jeb Bush used to brag about "Old Sparky," Florida's loveable and sometimes malfunctioning electric chair? They should have just froze Terri and postponed all of the drama to a later time. Cloned her... do something.

It's come to my attention that the greatest thing I ever wrote has become pertinent to my life again: The Breakup Column

Cliff Claven had a bit part in Empire Strikes Back. I had no idea. Click HERE for article

Day before yesterday I spent three hours and used two different password cracking/retrieval tools to get the administrator password for my shop computer. It was useless without it since I deleted the only user account I'd used on the system. Three hours... I tried every password I could think of. I finally used a service that allows me to upload the encrypted password as retrieved from a bootable floppy disk and then after a couple of hours sends me a link to a web page with my password listed.

What password did I unravel after three hours of guessing/retrieving? What was the wicked smart barrier keeping me from doing my job?

Administrator Password: gooch

Mother Fucker.

Back to the grill again. I bought a sweet ass barbecue today. I saw the guys loading it into my Ford; it looked like a struggle. "How much does that thing weigh" I inquired.

"Oh, about 240 pounds."

So in my truck it'll stay until I can get a friend to help me get it out of my rig. I can't fucking wait to grill again.