What's Gooch Pulling it to Today?
(expanded cable edition)

Denise Austin's Daily Workout on Lifetime

What's Gooch Pulling it to Today?
(expanded cable edition)

UNIVISION (THE SPANISH CHANNEL)

In the two months since I became single, I'll admit I haven't done any real dating (unless the cover of Maxim Magazine counts). However, that hasn't stopped me from writing my own wedding vows. Take a gander at my marital prose:

Do you promise from this day forward that you'll refuse to perform oral sex?

Do you promise to accuse Gooch of looking at porn and/or cheating on you every time he checks his fucking email?

Do you promise that once you are husband and wife that you'll invite your piece-of-ass friends over and accuse Gooch of staring at them all night?

Do you promise that, as husband and wife, you'll go to private parties, get drunk and tell your friends how cheap Gooch is?

Will you begin to comment ad nauseam as to the excess in which Gooch drinks?

Do you promise to complain about the price of DSL and ask constantly why Gooch needs to maintain a server in the first place?

Will you compare Gooch's writing to columnist Dave Barry's and ask why Gooch can't be funny like Dave Barry?

You get the idea... if you set realistic goals for marriage, the two of you can spend the rest of your lives together. In sheer, fucking misery.

(Happy Valentine's Day).

Oh, and I know U2 isn't from Canada (see log from 1/29/03). I was joking. Personally, I think U2 is the greatest Icelandic pop act since Bjork.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS

Ten days? I'll tell you how to do it in ten seconds... tell him you're pregnant.

shania twain... lipsynching, eh?

Did Shania Twain Lipsynch? - An interesting article from Slate/MSN.com

In this time of exaggerated patriotism, couldn't we have found people that actually choose to live in the United States to sing at the goddamned Super Bowl? I love Canada, but... Celine Dion? Shania Twain? Who are the Superbowl people marketing to? If Sting didn't do a Police song, I would have started a riot before the Raider fans had a chance to. Sting lives in a castle, and I'm sure it's not in the states. Our American entertainers have kids and heroine addictions to feed... quit shipping our gigs out of the country! Last year it was U2, I think they're Canadian, too. Raiders center Barret Robbins is depressed and on suicide watch? Join the fucking club with all of us Raider fans. The last thing I remember from SB XXXVII (what do Romans call our numerals?) was someone screaming "Gooch! get the butter knife away from your wrist!"

Sorry for the lack of updates... I had to rebuild the entire computer the other day. Not that that's an excuse... I updated from my cell phone once. However, the mailing list got sent some disjointed ramblings yesterday. Hop on the bandwagon and join us. It's not like I'm going to make you drink my special Kool-Aid or ride a bicycle in a shirt and tie.

My new home away from home: Skyland Pub

GOOCH:out