I've had the benefit of going 32 years withoug losing anyone too close to me. By losing anyone close to me, I mean dying. Unfortunately I'm thinking that my luck is starting to run out. A family friend, a friend I knew through the music scene with whom I became close, and my Grandmother (this week) have passed away this year.

I don't know how to grieve. I mean, should I feel guilty if I don't cry? What if I cry at an inappropriate time? If I look emotionless, will someone think me cold or that I don't care?

My natural inclication is to in fact isolate myself and grieve in my own way. Wednesday evening, after I found out my Grandma died, I went home and went to the gym for the first time in two months. Then I showered, went back home, drank wine and watched South Park until I fell asleep. Invitations to go out were declined. No trips to the bar or strip club. Just half a bottle of shiraz and an hour of Cartman before I fell asleep.

Is that wrong? Is there a better, more appropriate way to be sad? Maybe it's a stupid question, but it crossed my mind during the last two months.

Um... shit. Sorry it's been so long since a post. Been busy at an office filling in for Gregster as he's in Mexico on a three week trip of self discovery. Well, by "self" I mean tequila and by discovery I mean "drinking."

God... I'm not even trying at my jokes anymore.

Had an impromptu gathering at my house at 3am last night. That was, um, rewarding. Spent an evening with a girl with an incredible jonesing for ESPN. She hates the A's. Loves the wall mounted TV. That's all I remember.

God, the Sirius Radio just played a Morrisey song and a Pet Shop Boys song back to back. My asshole has never been tighter.


goochout.