Went out last night. Been pretty good about limiting my alcohol intake which has helped in keeping me from going to the 24 hour McDonalds and throwing god knows what down my throat. I hate mornings where I wake up to indigestion and have to look for receipts to assertain as to where I went I what exactly I ate and ultimately run out of excuses as to why I'm so fucking fat. I don't eat too much... Drunk Gooch eats too much.

But Drunk Gooch has been on sabbatical, leaving Buzzed Gooch to do things like get a phone number from a married girl (happened last night) and try to do laundry once I get home (if you wash whites in hot and darks in cold, can you wash everything at the same time on warm? Let's find out).

Moderation is a good thing. I don't drink as much or eat as much and I've even switched from hard core porn to late night Cinemax. It's good to be not hungover. I had to go out last night because I slept all day yesterday. I think tryptophan was used by ancient cultures before rohypnol was invented. Yes... a tryptophan joke. Haven't heard too many of them in the last couple of days... laughs ahoy!

Eh, goochout.

I wonder if the people at Pfizer get a lot of Viagra spam. I mean, would the worst job in the world be to be responsible for the spam filter system at Pfizer? Is it even possible to email someone anything containing the words "pharmacy" and "Viagra?" Could a pharmacy even bother using email? No one would receive the messages.

Kramer bursts right through the door of an apartment known as: unemployment.
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I had some witty shit to say, I promise, but I'm distracted here at work. Good stuff, though.

goochout

Being a big fat guy on a diet sucks. Food is an addiction and it's the worst possible. I mean, you have to eat. Removing all forms of food from my environment is not an option. It's like telling a recovering cocaine addict that they have to snort a gram a day... oh and never mind the eight balls in the fridge.

Or cupboard. I guess eight-balls in the cupboard would have made more sense. Or candy bowl. Whatever... the point is that I'm eating my eighteenth South Beach Diet microwaveable meal this week - right now as I type this. I've been to South Beach and they don't eat this shit. In fact when I opened my first SBD meal I expected there to be a can of imported beer, sushi, Evian, and some blow instead of the whole grain rice and seasoned chicken that actually emerged.

Wow, another cocaine reference. I'm really working the spectrum of subject matter this morning. Hey, it's an actual blog and not just a lazy posting of a link to a hint of how to save your cell phone after it falls into the toilet.

I've already (it's 9:20am) given one inspirational pep talk already to a self employed person that wants to quit her job and changed her mind. I came off very Tony Robbins like. I feel like I've done something today.

I'm going back to bed and not getting up until tomorrow. I like ending the day on a high note. I should have my high notes occur later in the day.

gooch:out