One Tough Bastard (1995)

Brian Bosworth and MC Hammer in one movie. It looks like the pilot for The Surreal Life.

An Excerpt from an email I sent last night while really, really hammered:

I love PSU, I remember the falls especially. Good times. Harvey’s can be done, let me know. My friend gets tickets all the time.

Gooch:too drunk to type… Really. You know I’ll hang out when and wherever.

I’m plowed…. I’m reading my email and not remembering most of it… I just wrote it. What “falls” am I talking about? Jesus…

Crap. I need rehab or something. Further proving the notion that people like me better when I'm drunk, a girl gave me her number last night and I don't remember getting it. I met her two weeks ago when I was stone sober and she said she had a boyfriend then. Basically, incoherent Gooch is more appealing than sober, polite Gooch.

Sober Gooch isn't into dating anyone at all and drunk Gooch is asking for phone numbers. Sober Gooch isn't calling them, though. I didn't drink and dial last night, thank God. I need a cell phone that requires a breathalyzer to dial out. I hate going through my dialed call list on my phone and seeing numbers that I don't remember dialing. I'm pissed that drunk Gooch ate junk food last night but pleased that he left a Rock Star energy drink in the fridge next to the bed.

GOOCH:Living La Vida Drunka!

I've gotta get out of East County.

I have an M.C.P. from Microsoft, I have survived solely on my income as a freelance tech support provider for the last year. I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their database isn't corrupted or that their damaged hard drive can be ghosted or that their backup tapes will actually restore the lost files, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in the server closet on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.

The movie Malice yielded the best line (soliloquy?) ever. At least, the best line delivered by a Baldwin and modified by me. Sweet.

GOOCH:delusional

I sort of went off the deep end yesterday. Sort of an anxiety ridden,shaking, talk to yourself, beating the steering wheel, change radio stations every two seconds and avoid other people mood. I started driving and before I knew it I was somewhere in Washington State with cash and no plans, sleeping in a 76 Station parking lot at 1:00 in the afternoon. My friend Nikki talked me into coming home. When I did drive home I was already 10 miles south of where I needed to exit before I even knew I was back in Oregon. Weird. I went to my friend's work and had some soda, then I bought the Family Guy season 1 box set and fell asleep watching that.

I decided to publish a column in the "Columns" section that I wrote a couple days ago. It's not edgy and even debatable if anyone besides myself would benefit from it. It's my website, my server, so I guess I have the right to throw stuff like that up periodically.

Its in the Columns section in the menu above, or just click here: 1111 The Bryce Column.

Congratulations to YMike and Jenna on their pregnancy.