Ahhh... The Dixie Chicks. I would bang the liberalism right out of them. I would pump them so
full of Republican hate juice that they'd... Oh, shit, is this thing on?

Bullshit or Not: I woke up last night at 8:26pm. That's 11 minutes later than I was supposed to start my shift last night. Fucking oops.

Met a chick last night that works for The Hemp & Cannibis Foundation (www.thc-foundation.org). I'd call her, but I rolled up her business card and smoked it early this morning. I didn't get high, but there was the possibility, I guess.

My cold is subsiding. I need to get back in the gym. Some fat guy that I was trying to throw out of the bar on Thursday called me fat. Obviously that cocksucker doesn't know that my problem is glandular. Fucking dick.

I was watching the E! True Hollywood Story this morning on "The Last Days of John F. Kennedy Jr." this morning. Luck of the Irish... my ass. If you wrote a sitcom about a rich family that always has bad shit happen to them, it would be deemed "unbelievable." Yet in real life the Kennedys routinely amaze us with their string of mishaps and misfortunes. Do you think that at this point, every remaining Kennedy is telecommuting from an isobaric chamber on a liquid diet inside of a missile proof bunker? Holy shit. I'd love to see a Kennedy family vacation in Vegas. "Wow... lost again... I guess luck isn't on my side this trip."

Ted Kennedy Forever!

Gooch... for a little while longer.

I'm amused by the Best Buy, Office Max, Car Toys, and Lowe's (and others) commercials where the "sales associate" is really, really, overfuckingly helpful. The TV salespeople all follow the customers around, willing to help and they know everything about every product. I have never seen a group more apathetic than the salespeople at the aforementioned stores. The term "can't give a shit" never rang more true then when I've dealt with the employees at those stores.

Thanks to Nicky J. and the KNRK Street Team for the schwag bestowed upon me last night during my shift at Skyland Pub. Nick even pretended to remember me from my appearance with Perfect in Plastic on Gustav and Daria's show November 15th of last year.

Update your virus definitions every day. These are bad, bad times for computer users. We should think of ourselves as VERY fortunate that these latest viruses haven't been more malicious to our computers themselves. The Melissa virus physically damaged computers. Read my column about that HERE.

Whoa... I'm about to make 20,000 hits on this site. This is a landmark in that I managed to get four people to hit the refresh button 5000 times each. Actually, the counter doesn't allow the same IP address to count more than once a day. Or something, I have no idea. Kudos to me, I guess. This site is coming up on four years of existence. Holy crap.

GOOCH: FAIR AND BALANCED

OK, Fox, maybe you should sue me.

What really sucks about this mass emailing worm, the Sobig.FU.whatever, is that my cell phone has an email address and is beeping every few seconds with a new message telling me to "see the attached document." What a nuisance. If you have a computer and value your data, I can only recommend that you visit the Symantec Antivirus Resource Center every day.

You've gotta be putting me on with this shit...

A SMALL SAMPLE OF THE VIRII FILLED EMAILS THAT HAVE FLOODED MY INBOX.
I ESTIMATE CLOSE TO 200 OF THESE HAVE COME INTO MY MAILBOX TODAY ALONE

See yesterday's log regarding the SoBig virus to download the fix from Symantec. I resume my bouncing responsibilities tomorrow night. I haven't had a drink since 2am Sunday morning (due to illness). I ordered a stein of Widmer Hefeweizen tonight with dinner and only finished half. I asked for a doggy bag but the fucking OLCC (Oregon Liquor Control Commission) has fucking rules against me leaving with fucking beer.

Whoa... it's almost 9pm. That's been my bedtime this week, with the help of NyQuil.

P.S.

If you are getting emails that say "see the attached file for details" DON'T FUCKING DOUBLE-CLICK THE ATTACHMENT. It's a new worm that won't be caught unless you have the latest Symantec Antivirus definitions dated 8/19/2003 Rev. 3. I thought it was an old virus and I (in an effort to see which virus it was and because I've been couped up in bed and because I'm really, really, really fucking bored) did double click the attachment (this is before Symantec put anything about it on their site) and found it odd that my webserver and workstation didn't detect a virus. I manually updated my virus definitions and once I had the latest that Symantec had to offer, My AV software started going nuts. If you think you're infected, like I was, click the following link from SARC and run this puppy.

http://securityresponse.symantec.com/avcenter/FixSbigF.exe

Gooch: Disinfected and out.

Imitation is the greatest form of plagiarism.

-gooch

I'm writing this blog from the pillowtop comfort of my bed as I've come down with some wicked flu action. I've been sick on and off for the last month as the battle between healthy eating and exercise vs. four day benders and working in a smoky bar raged on. Finally I'm crazy sick, emerging from bed only to do service calls on two houses and a business. Now I'm watching People's Court and I've found that generic NyQuil is a great substitute for the booze I usually pound on Tuesday nights (taco night at the Skyland Pub).

Is anyone else getting emails with "see the attached file for details" in every other message they receive?

I guess I'll watch sit-coms tonight.

Technical notes: The Goochonline.net server has a new router which should all but eliminate the outages that have occurred recently.

Anyone playing GTA: Vice City know what to do after you've acquired all of the properties? I'm stuck. Shoot me an email.

Gooch: out.

Today is my friend Lee's birthday. He's older than me but he's young at heart. Actually, his heart, liver, and lungs have probably aged quicker than his youthful appearance would make it seem. So, he's young at heart but only figuratively speaking. Tonight I will guzzle an Irish Car Bomb in his honor and I request that everyone reading this do the same. He's a good pool player, a better drinking buddy, and the best friend a guy could have.

In Meridian, Idaho, anyways.

Just fucking with you, Lee. Happy Birthday, bud.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOBBY D. SIXTY YEARS TODAY.

FUCKED UP STORY OF THE WEEK RIGHT HERE.